You have been given permission to re-write the bible

[Cmass]

God has given you permission to re-write any section of the bible you would like - or even the whole thing! His only requirement is that you keep the message the same.
Could you improve it?
Would you write it in Elizabethan English?
Would you shorten or lengthen it?
Would you eliminate any stories and replace them with modern ones?
Would you include science and things about the natural world that we have learned over the past few thousand years?

[PaulJJ]

I would try to make it fool-proof, so that even the literalists could see the metaphors, even the gullible could see the human authorship, and even the so called "fundamentalists" could see the real fundamentals: Love one another and 1 Cor. 13. Then more people would stop wasting time believing in supernatural powers and focusing on salvation formulas. It would inspire more people to be kind and open-minded.

Here we see the problem with the whole idea. As I see it, "love one another" is not the fundamental at all - all the teaching about behaviour and attitudes towards one another is secondary. The clear fundamental message of the Bible is God saying "believe in me" and, in the New Testament, "believe in me and my son".

[CubicU]

The thing I would change is I would take out "The Song Of Solomon"...it apparently has one VERY VAGUE reference to Christ, though I lack the perception to see it...could someone enighten me perhaps?

[Cmass]

The thing I would change is I would take out "The Song Of Solomon"...it apparently has one VERY VAGUE reference to Christ, though I lack the perception to see it...could someone enighten me perhaps?

So, you would leave everything else the same? Would you remove any of the war scenes filled with graphic violence, the ghosts, the devils & monsters. Would you change the status of women? Would it be OK to own slaves?
- Chris

[CubicU]

dude, some of my favourite stories are freaking weird! Take for instance 2 Kings 2:23-24. Now, Elijah is the MAN imo. He did some rad stuff calling fire down from heaven and all that crap, but there's some odd stuff he did that just kinda makes me laugh. I quote with (comments be me):

23 And he (Elijah) went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the ay, there came forth little children (HEB literal "youths" not little children) out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up. thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them (how much was there? 100?).

haha, sorry, but I find that pretty funny. No, I like the Bible the way it came to us. If God wants us to have more reading, he'll reveal it when he feels the time is right, thus we now have the gnostic gospels, the dead sea scrolls and other non-religious texts that can be helpful in understanding the bible and other "holy" writings. And if you can tell, I read the KJV...I just couldn't get the NIV, didn't make sense. As for your other questions, it was a different time and cultural, sure I think slavery and oppression of women are wrong, but that's the way it was back in those days.

You know, this is a really interesting thread/question. If I had the time and well can't say money, but this is the type of things me and some of my friend talk about for HOURS! kudos for this cool topic!

[Furrowed Brow]

OK. The new version should be succinct and to the point.

1) Think for yourself
2) Think of others
3) Donate 10% of yearly gross income to Furrowed Brow

[McCulloch]

OK. The new version should be succinct and to the point.

1) Think for yourself
2) Think of others
3) Donate 10% of yearly gross income to Furrowed Brow

Doesn't 3 contradict 1?

[Furrowed Brow]

OK. The new version should be succinct and to the point.

1) Think for yourself
2) Think of others
3) Donate 10% of yearly gross income to Furrowed Brow

Doesn't 3 contradict 1?

Ah! Think for yourself yes. But what is written in my new bible is inerrant as there is only one truth. Eventually thinking for yourself will bring you to see the sense of 3).

[McCulloch]

Ah! Think for yourself yes. But what is written in my new bible is inerrant as there is only one truth. Eventually thinking for yourself will bring you to see the sense of 3).

Spoken like a true theologian and apologist. Congratulations!

[Confused]

OK. The new version should be succinct and to the point.

1) Think for yourself
2) Think of others
3) Donate 10% of yearly gross income to Furrowed Brow

Doesn't 3 contradict 1?

Ah! Think for yourself yes. But what is written in my new bible is inerrant as there is only one truth. Eventually thinking for yourself will bring you to see the sense of 3).

By far, the best illogical logic I have seen thus far. Congrats to you LOL

[Cmass]

5 MPG tokens for CubicU (or is that Rubic's Cube?)! Interesting and entertaining bald-headed biblical quotes!