You have been given permission to re-write the bible

[Cmass]

God has given you permission to re-write any section of the bible you would like - or even the whole thing! His only requirement is that you keep the message the same.
Could you improve it?
Would you write it in Elizabethan English?
Would you shorten or lengthen it?
Would you eliminate any stories and replace them with modern ones?
Would you include science and things about the natural world that we have learned over the past few thousand years?

[Aristarkos]

God has given you permission to re-write any section of the bible you would like - or even the whole thing! His only requirement is that you keep the message the same.
Could you improve it?
Would you write it in Elizabethan English?
Would you shorten or lengthen it?
Would you eliminate any stories and replace them with modern ones?
Would you include science and things about the natural world that we have learned over the past few thousand years?

1. Yes (because it's really old)
2. English is what I know
3. Shorten (a lot shorter)
4. Yes to replacements
5. Yes to Science

I would try to make it fool-proof, so that even the literalists could see the metaphors, even the gullible could see the human authorship, and even the so called "fundamentalists" could see the real fundamentals: Love one another and 1 Cor. 13. Then more people would stop wasting time believing in supernatural powers and focusing on salvation formulas. It would inspire more people to be kind and open-minded.

[Cmass]

Hmmm. Interesting.

The problem is that we are talking about writing the most important book in the universe in such a way that every single literate person on the planet would "get it" - and interpret it the same way. Tough job.

I think simplicity would have to be key. Extremely simple and extremely explicit.
Perhaps it could be written using international symbols such as those seen to control traffic, emergency exits, washrooms etc.. Maybe even a computer version using emoticons!!

Here is an emoticon story for my new bible. See if you can understand the story:
:sleep: :censored:

[Aristarkos]

Here is an emoticon story for my new bible. See if you can understand the story:
:sleep: :censored:

I think your story could be interpreted many ways, but I'll give it a go:
Learn to dream and be kind to others. Exercise caution with what you say. Love one another day and night.

[Cmass]

I like it!
That is not what I had in mind but that is certainly a valid one.
So, I wonder if there is any way to write any bible using any kind of language that would actually be able to send the exact same message to everyone in the world.
I say "no". Which is why the bible is interpreted in such a wide variety of ways giving rise to everything from unconditional peace and love to justifications for murder.
Perhaps this is what God's lawyers (ministers) are for: To help us apply useful meaning to the book.

[Aristarkos]

I enjoyed your creative emoticon story.

I still think the Bible would have to be rewritten according to my original comments to minimize misinterpretation. Then multiple translations could be created from there ... including sign language.

It seems minister's interpretations vary as much as anyone's. I believe that the Bible was just written by people without any special inspiration from God. So it's has no special authority for me. There are several parts of the Bible that have inspiring wisdom and other parts I can do without. I use other sources to find inspiring wisdom as well. I try to focus on a guiding principle of unconditional loving-kindness for all.

[Cmass]

OK then, back to your first post:

I would try to make it fool-proof, so that even the literalists could see the metaphors, even the gullible could see the human authorship, and even the so called "fundamentalists" could see the real fundamentals..

But I would submit this is not possible. This was actually illustrated very well in another post recently. I think the example went something like this: "Your son will be very tall." Simple sentence, no? But how tall? I think it is obvious he will be 6'3" because that is tall. But that is because I am 6' so that is tall to me. But if you are 4' then he would be a "giant" or if you were 7' he would be short. When will he reach that height? People vary in height during the day as well as by an inch or more during their lifetimes. And, if we look up the word tall it has slightly different meanings in the different languages from whence it developed over time. And if I added "Your son Jesus will be tall" I absolutely-money-back-guarantee you they would say 1 of 2 things depending upon the nature of the conversation: 1) This proves Jesus was of great physical stature or 2) This proves the spirit of Jesus stood high above mortal men.
So... The simplest things can be twisted and turned to mean just about anything you want - and it is all VERY culturally-based as well. Basic CONCEPTS do not even remain the same from culture to culture.
The best we could hope for is something akin to the constitution - which is a living document - instead of a dogmatic script set in stone.

Here is another emoticon story. See if you can come up with the story line here:
:yapyap: :2gun: :2gun:

[Aristarkos]

It may not be completely possible, but there’s big difference between a poem and a legal document. I would try to minimize misinterpretation by including some legal-document-style narrative after poetic segments. Not unlike in Luke 8 when the Parable of the Sower is explained.

The Aristarkos Bible would probably not be widely accepted, but, of course, I would like it. I know because it’s already written on my heart. I don’t have a big desire to attempt this rewrite because, as I said, the Bible is not my only literary guide, and only part at that. Some people are helped a by a very structured guidance. Others, like me, work better with less structure.

What you said about “something akin to the constitution” makes sense to me, and reminds me of the following: At my church we don’t have a faith creed. Instead we agree to moralistic principles and allow for more differences in issues of faith. Maybe you would like to consider our seven principles as a “Bible” of sorts. They go through some changes every several years. http://www.uua.org/aboutuua/principles.html

EMOTICON STORY INTERPRETATION 1
People have varied reactions to the Bible including being peaceful, bored, interested, sad, judgmental, attentive, suicidal, frightened, murderous, excited, confused, forgiven, scholarly, angry, and celebratory.

EMOTICON STORY INTERPRETATION 2
I was bored with the Old Testament, but the story of Jesus made me think. I was sad when I learned of his crucifixion, but it made me think that I ought to listen to what he said about life, death, and how people should behave.

[Cmass]

Interpretation #2 is a bit closer.

Your church sounds much like my Mother's - which is the United Church of Christ.

I find this interesting from your webpage:

The Association declares and affirms its special responsibility, and that of its member congregations and organizations, to promote the full participation of persons in all of its and their activities and in the full range of human endeavor without regard to race, ethnicity, gender, disability, affectional or sexual orientation, age, language, citizenship status, economic status, or national origin and without requiring adherence to any particular interpretation of religion or to any particular religious belief or creed.

Definitely not the Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson types I assume.

[Aristarkos]

Of all the "main-stream" protistan denominations (Lutheran, Baptist, United Methodist, Episcopal, Presbyterian, etc.) UCC is probably the closest to UU. Liberal Quakers can be relatively close. Even though UU roots are Christian, I have much more in common with agnostics than conservative Christians.

By the way, I'm in WA too.