I have all the answers

DrProctopus · Post by **DrProctopus** » Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:43 pm

The sky gnomes visited me in their stone sky chariot, and have imparted their wisdom upon me.

I have all the answers to your metaphysical questions. So, go ahead and ask, and I shall impart the wisdom of the sky gnomes to you lowly humans.

DrProctopus
(The doctor who gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "The doctor is in")

DrProctopus · Post by **DrProctopus** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 7:01 pm

In this case, the influence is psychic. You see, the Gnomes, much like the Christian god, are very capricious. They enjoy doing things with their pets (that's us) just to see them squirm.

Didn't you ever put socks on your dog, or hide a walkie-talkie in a plant and call your dog to the plant, just for the joy of totally confusing the poor beast?

The sky gnomes are able to send dreams to you and your wife. During these dreams, you both move around in such a way that the blanket winds up in the worst place for your wife.

The thing is, Skeldagordagan, the particular gnome most interested in doing this, is not doing this to torture your wife, she is just receiving collateral damage. Actually, this gnome is torturing you, by always making you at fault.

In fact, he tells me that he has done many things to influence your life so that you will be at fault.

Are you not often at fault?

McCulloch · Post by **McCulloch** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 10:19 am

DrProctopus wrote:The thing is, Skeldagordagan, the particular gnome most interested in doing this, is not doing this to torture your wife, she is just receiving collateral damage. Actually, this gnome is torturing you, by always making you at fault.

In fact, he tells me that he has done many things to influence your life so that you will be at fault.

Are you not often at fault?

Always, come to think of it. Thanks.

OccamsRazor · Post by **OccamsRazor** » Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:38 pm

Personally I think that gnomes get a bad reputation.

I has often been hypothesised that gnomes steal teaspoons. This can be shown because the amount of teaspoons in a cutlery drawer have a halflife of about 6 months. Due to the fact that teaspoons are not unstable nor are they radioactive the blame has been long placed on gnomes.

This is unfair because it can clearly be shown that teaspoons are infact the larval state of wire coat-hangers which can be shown to exponentially increase at the same rate.

Although gnomes are largely and maliciously responsible for sock theft, blanket realignment and car keys redistribution. They are not responsible for teaspoon destruction.

Lainey · Post by **Lainey** » Fri Apr 14, 2006 12:31 am

Teaspoons as the larval state of wire coat hangers?

I can see it. I think you might be on to something...

McCulloch · Post by **McCulloch** » Fri Apr 14, 2006 7:28 pm

My wife does not believe in the gnomes, but does not have sufficient evidence to disprove their existence. Is she really an agnomist?

OccamsRazor · Post by **OccamsRazor** » Fri Apr 14, 2006 8:22 pm

McCulloch wrote:My wife does not believe in the gnomes, but does not have sufficient evidence to disprove their existence. Is she really an agnomist?

No McCulloch, she is a heathen.

HughDP · Post by **HughDP** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 5:55 am

OccamsRazor wrote:I has often been hypothesised that gnomes steal teaspoons. This can be shown because the amount of teaspoons in a cutlery drawer have a halflife of about 6 months.

I can vouch for this. All mine disappeared overnight (and this is true - I'm not making it up). Had over half a dozen of them in the drawer when I went to bed one night and none in the morning. Despite searching everywhere (including the bin) and interrogating the cat, they were simply never found.

Either we have extremely selective burglars in this area or, by some very unlikely coincidence, quantum probability had all their component particles elsewhere.

Spooky. I still scan the press for stories such as "Teaspoon thief gets stir" or whatever.

OccamsRazor · Post by **OccamsRazor** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 6:02 am

HughDP, did you check your wardrobes? You may notice you have many more wire coat-hangers.

Or I may be wrong about this theory...it may have been gnomes that stole your teaspoons (or even McCulloch's wife).

HughDP · Post by **HughDP** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 6:18 am

OccamsRazor wrote:HughDP, did you check your wardrobes? You may notice you have many more wire coat-hangers.

Don't get me started on coat-hangers. They're devious things at the best of times. Have you noticed how they huddle together and simply won't let go?

Removing a coat-hanger from a wardrobe is a task fraught with fear for me. Trying to remove a single one is virtually impossible; they always hang on to each other for dear life. I usually lose my temper and start violently trying to disengage one like some sort of certifiable loon, which often results in the rail coming down and everything ending up in a heap on the floor, whereupon the little blighters cling to each other with even more determination

I can often be seen wandering around the house with a long trail of coat-hangers in my wake and a defeated look on my face.

McCulloch · Post by **McCulloch** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:04 am

OccamsRazor wrote:HughDP, did you check your wardrobes? You may notice you have many more wire coat-hangers.

HughDP wrote:Don't get me started on coat-hangers. They're devious things at the best of times. Have you noticed how they huddle together and simply won't let go?

My wife, the agnomist, has banished wire coat hangers from our house. We have plastic and wood only.