I have all the answers

DrProctopus · Post by **DrProctopus** » Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:43 pm

The sky gnomes visited me in their stone sky chariot, and have imparted their wisdom upon me.

I have all the answers to your metaphysical questions. So, go ahead and ask, and I shall impart the wisdom of the sky gnomes to you lowly humans.

DrProctopus
(The doctor who gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "The doctor is in")

Cathar1950 · Post by **Cathar1950** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:29 am

DrProctopus wrote:

Ghosts do not haunt houses or restaurants.

That is load off my mind.
Where do they haunt? I will try to avoid those places.

Eventually you will grow into a lesser creator yourself, and the experience you gain from living lifetimes will form an excellent basis to help drive your acts of creation.

Is that a lesser creator then I am now or a lesser creator then another creator?
Lainey how can you say this is silly?
I am mostly afraid of the underwear gnomes.

DrProctopus · Post by **DrProctopus** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 9:48 am

Is that a lesser creater then I am now or a lesser creator then anotheer creator?

You will never become in equal in power to Granth, the supreme bodiless gnome. You will, if you choose, create your own worlds and create new lifeforms. Eventually, when you tire of existence, you will merge with Granth. Depending on how you define it, you are already a part of Granth, but from your persepective you are separate.

Where do they haunt? I will try to avoid those places.

Well, I am pretty sure some ghosts are haunting my bowels at this moment! At least, some sort of unseen entities are. This is what the combination of Slim Fast and Keflex will do to you. Just think of a soft-serve ice cream dispenser, with the ice cream not yet frozen, and you get the idea.

And yes, you might wish to avoid my bowels.

Lainey · Post by **Lainey** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:50 pm

DrProctopus wrote:
Ghosts do not haunt houses or restaurants.
That is load off my mind.
Where do they haunt? I will try to avoid those places.

Yeah. Whew!

Me too...

Is that a lesser creator then I am now or a lesser creator then another creator?
Lainey how can you say this is silly?
I am mostly afraid of the underwear gnomes.

Wow, this gets confusing fast!

We heathens think all sacred truths are silly, remember?

Me, I'm afraid of the sock gnomes. Many a sock o' mine has been sacrificed to these vicious little creatures...in fact, I suspect the Monster Under The Bed is really just an overgrown sock gnome, grown fat from livin' the cushy life with a steady supply of socks lost by careless urbanites who'd rather soak up the nightlife than search for missing articles of clothing.

Where do they haunt? I will try to avoid those places.
Well, I am pretty sure some ghosts are haunting my bowels at this moment! At least, some sort of unseen entities are.

Um, gross. But since we're all being silly here anyway, I have a demon living in my tummy. His name is Beauregard. My religious former friend once told me that she had demons telling her what to do (living in her head, I guess), so since I have tummy troubles all da time, I decided I must have a demon living in my tummy. Not much left to do but name him and make him my pet...

Cathar1950 · Post by **Cathar1950** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 9:31 pm

I have had problems with sock gnomes too. So to beat them I buy all the same socks and I still can't find a pair that match.

Lainey · Post by **Lainey** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:35 am

I have also tried to defeat them that way, but it doesn't work. They're far too clever...

McCulloch · Post by **McCulloch** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:31 am

Cathar1950 wrote:I have had problems with sock gnomes too. So to beat them I buy all the same socks and I still can't find a pair that match.

Our cat seems to be very good at keeping the sock gnomes at bay. Perhaps sock gnomes are exorcized by cats. You have to allow the cats to hunt the socks periodically.

DrProctopus · Post by **DrProctopus** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:07 am

Regarding sock gnomes...

You see, the seed of the Sky Gnomes is very potent. They are also well endowed. Sometimes, when they are cold (the upper atmosphere is quite cold, you know), they like to put a sock on 'it' in order to keep 'it' warm.

If you are under 18, 'it' refers to a thumb.

So, well, sometimes the Sky Gnomes have dreams that are not entirely dry. Their nighttime emissions can, on occassion, impregate the socks they are wearing on 'it.'

These pregnant socks give birth to sock gnomes.

Sock gnomes have a serious oedipus complex, thus causing them to seek out socks to mate with. As sock gnomes are infertile, they do not produce any offspring from these matings, but they are driven by powerful instincts and do keep trying.

After they are done, they steal the 'used' sock, for reasons that would not make sense to a human. We should be thankful for this, though. I mean, who want them to leave behind socks after the sock gnomes have, um, left a little something inside them.

Please, nobody ask to hear the origin of the used condom gnomes - it is a hideous tale, the telling of which could get me banned from this site.

Cathar1950 · Post by **Cathar1950** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:17 am

Thank you DrProctopus. That might explain the holes in many of my socks.

Bugmaster · Post by **Bugmaster** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 2:32 am

DrProctopus wrote:Regarding sock gnomes...

I don't think I'll ever wear socks again. *shudder*

McCulloch · Post by **McCulloch** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 1:14 pm

I have a question for the gnomes. When we were first married and living in a drafty house, my wife accused me of stealing the blankets in my sleep. She would wake me up and lo and behold all of the blankets would be wrapped around me. She never believed that gnomes were responsible.
Now she is developing arthritis. Sometimes she wakes me up and lo and behold the blankets have migrated over to her side. In the winter when we use a heavy comforter, it hangs more over her side than on mine. The extra weight causes her pain and discomfort. Again it is my fault. I am somehow being a negative blanket thief, pushing the blankets over to her side. She still does not believe that gnomes are involved.
Why don't the gnomes leave our blankets alone?