Is it ok to tell people how they feel?

[gnik]

In many situations, I've had people tell me what I should think, or even "what I am thinking." I am wondering what people think on this. Is it ok to tell other people what you think they are thinking, or what they should think? This may seem like a tame topic, however I think that people either don't notice how much this is done, or have had bad experiences. so it could be very polar.



One example is that someone I was talking to said a generalized statement. I stated that I don't like those because they are always wrong, unless you mean them to be about every person in that group. his response was to tell me that no reasonable person would think he meant every person in that group. He meant it to mean that it should be obvious what he meant. but to me, what that reads is that I am unreasonable for reading it to mean all. Again. this is an example of what has happened. not my argument.

[connermt]

In many situations, I've had people tell me what I should think, or even "what I am thinking." I am wondering what people think on this. Is it ok to tell other people what you think they are thinking, or what they should think? This may seem like a tame topic, however I think that people either don't notice how much this is done, or have had bad experiences. so it could be very polar.



One example is that someone I was talking to said a generalized statement. I stated that I don't like those because they are always wrong, unless you mean them to be about every person in that group. his response was to tell me that no reasonable person would think he meant every person in that group. He meant it to mean that it should be obvious what he meant. but to me, what that reads is that I am unreasonable for reading it to mean all. Again. this is an example of what has happened. not my argument.

Context is very important, not used properly at times and not understood properly at times.
Example 1:
I know your mom died suddenly, but you shouldn't be sad because she's not suffering now.
That may be someone trying to help you deal with the loss.
Example 2:
I know your mom died suddenly, but you shouldn't be sad because everyone dies.
That may be someone being insensitive.
It all depends on the people involved and the situation at hand.

It's also important to speak properly - mean what you say and say what you mean.
Example 3:
Asians are smarter than anyone else.
It's unlikely the person saying this has met every Asian person that exists and based their opinion on this fact. The person likely understand that and expects you to understand that as well - like it's a given. Rather or not that's right.....?

However, telling someone what to think or how to feel outside these types of instances is, to me, arrogant and insensitive.

[gnik]

I should specify the situations a bit then. There are two different situations that tend to happen.

The first is that a person is pushing their opinion on how people should react onto me.
such as the example I gave.

The other is where they are telling me what they think I'm feeling, and tell me that anything I say otherwise is me just denying it to them.

Both situation sort of fall under the idea that the other party thinks that I thinks like they do.

[connermt]

I should specify the situations a bit then. There are two different situations that tend to happen.

The first is that a person is pushing their opinion on how people should react onto me.
such as the example I gave.

The other is where they are telling me what they think I'm feeling, and tell me that anything I say otherwise is me just denying it to them.

Both situation sort of fall under the idea that the other party thinks that I thinks like they do.

Then IMO, they are wrong and trying to belittle (or, to use a term in the news these days BULLY) you.
I've found that when people try to force other to believe as they do, or tell them how to act/think/feel/etc, they are many times weak in their own thinking/acting/feeling/etc.
Their opinion of how the other person should act/think/feell are of little to no consequence.

[Jake]

I can't stand when people tell me how I feel. It doesn't bother me that much when they tell me how I should feel, but so many people will actually tell me that I feel a certain way or I'm thinking something and they tell me I'm lying if I object.

Personally, I wouldn't appreciate anyone telling me how I should feel about someone close to me dying, no matter how they phrased it. I'd rather they accept that I'm sad and just be there for me. Telling someone who just lost their mom not to be sad is like telling someone who just had their leg blown off to "walk it off".

I don't exactly see how this is an ethical dilemma, however.