Do we honor our parents even if they're cruel?

[WinePusher]

Should we honor our parents as the bible commands even if they are cruel?

I myself, grew up in a home with a loving mother, but she had problems expressing feelings. She was verbally cruel (in the sense that she talks down to you and makes yourself feel like trash). But besides from minor verbal ridicule, she was a good mom.

But then there are kids who are physically abused and molested by their parents. Such as the person in the book "A Child Called It." Is the bible right to command us to honor our parents, or are there special circumstances in which we do not have to honor them.

[EduChris]

...Is the bible right to command us to honor our parents, or are there special circumstances in which we do not have to honor them.

Miroslav Volf (I think it was in Exclusion and Embrace) talked about his experience with atrocities in the Bosnian (or was is Slovakia? or Serbia? I don't have the book at hand right now). Anyway, he says that there are some things he may not be able to forgive; but still he knows he ought to forgive, and he hopes he someday will be able to forgive.

We may not always be able to honor our parents, but we know we should honor them to whatever extent we are able.

[otseng]

But then there are kids who are physically abused and molested by their parents. Such as the person in the book "A Child Called It." Is the bible right to command us to honor our parents, or are there special circumstances in which we do not have to honor them.

This is a difficult issue. But my position is yes, a child still has to honor their parents, even if they are abusive. I know of no exception in the Bible where children are allowed to dishonor their parents. More than this, children (esp when they've grown up) should forgive their parents for the wrongs done. I know this is a tall order for those that have been physically/mentally/sexually abused. And it cannot be done except by the grace of God.

Honoring however doesn't necessarily mean obedience. If it is contrary to the Bible, anyone has the right to obey the Bible rather than to obey man.

[Slopeshoulder]

I take the requirement to honor one's parents (and one's spouse) in this way:

Give 'em a wide berth, understand their humanity, seek love and common ground, give it the old college try.
But if they are incorrigably unloving, inappropriate, falling down on the job, and dysfunctional, to the point where you become a victim and an enmeshed enabler, the spirit of creation and flourishing requires a bit of creative destruction and requires us to move on.
This is not an excuse for abuse or disrespect in return on our part, but rather advice for setting boundaries, including ending relationship when necessary.
There's no reason to be a victom of abuse. In these cases, we must put the spirit and themes of our beliefs and faith traditions before the letter of the law.

But I agree with Otseng if honor means forgive rather than obey or suffer.

In the Gospel of Mark, wasn't Mary among those left behind in the town that misunderstood Jesus and drove him out? There was no blessed mother Mary by the cross in Mark. Jesus may have honored her, but he also said buh-bye, later, I'm outta here.