*THE VAST HOMOSEXUAL CONSPIRACY*

[The Persnickety Platypus]

This is it. The day of reckoning.

There is no doubt. No more fooling ourselves. A haunting specter has arisen. It's broad hand casts a shadow over our societies most hallowed institutions, and will advert it's force at nothing short of it's ultimate goal:

WORLD DOMINATION


Religious Conservatives have been warning us for years. They have fought countless foes in the perpetration of their noble message (evidence, logic, facts, reason), yet bravely continue their plight of truth. Dauntless and enduring, their message miraculously survives today, even despite the hoards of autocratic homosexual liberal communist abortionists currently controlling our society.

Beware of Liberals; do not succumb to their evil agenda! They will try to smooth talk you, catch you off guard, lead you astray. They will inquire as to why "so called moral Christians" are not concerned with the "real" matters plaquing our world; global poverty, insufficient health care, the energy crisis, global warming, the national debt, inflation, malnutrition, natural disasters, plaque. What they do not realize is that it is the dreaded HOMOSEXUALS who are perpetrating all these ailments!!! It's True!!!

Homosexuals are stealing food from the hungry!!!
Homosexuals are injecting people with illnesses and stealing the government subsidised funds aimed at curing them!!!
Homosexuals are using up all our oil!!!
Homosexuals are melting to polar ice caps, causing sea levels to rise!!!
Homosexuals are responsible for the uncompensated government spending!!! They blackmailed Reagan into starting it, and are doing the same to Bush!!!
Homosexuals are warming the seas and sprinkling magical hurricane dust into the atmosphere!!! They created all the hurricanes last year, and are planning even more this year!!!
Wondering why your dollar isn't worth as much nowadays? Homosexuals!!!
Homosexuals have hi-jacked our education system!!! They are conducting new anal sex classes, and indocrinating our innocent children to their evil ways!!!
Homosexuals eat kittens!!!
Homosexuals seek to destroy the institution of marriage!!! Once gaining ultimate political power, they will decree that all couples separate and choose new same-sex partners!!!
Homosexuals order thousands of babies to be aborted every year against the mother and father's will!!!
Homosexuals are currently in the process of BANNING CHRISTIANITY!!! Don't be mislead by the fact that 98% of our elected leaders are professed Christians!!! Liberal lies!!!



Time is waning! We must do something about these homosexuals, lest they destroy all we hold dear! Now that you are aware of the full extend of the homosexual agenda, you are probably wondering what you can do to join the resistance.

(1) First and foremost, you must sign the petition. Upon signing, you will be admitted to my underground gay/liberal/feminist/abortionist/evolutionist/humanist resistance movement dubbed F.A.G. (Fight Against Gays). Further instruction will follow.

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Our official chant (to be used whenever faced with a particularly compelling pro-gay rights argument) is thus:

"Man+Woman good, Man+Man bad"

(Lyrics by George Orwell)


(2) To avoid indoctrination into the homosexual liberal communist feminist humanist evolutionist abortionist lesbian dogma, one must wear a string of garlic around his neck. (I am told that this also helps fend off vampires. How convenient!)


(3) One must make their social stance known. A few suggestions:

- Make all your posts on message boards related to homosexuality. Never talk about anything that actually matters. Start lots of anti-homo/liberal/evolutionist/feminist/abortionist/ect threads, but never present any actual arguments or evidence. Especially evidence. Evidence is for liberals.

- Loudly exclaim "Ewww that's gross" whenever homosexuality is mentioned in a public setting.

- Stage obnoxious protests outside military funerals. Hold up signs with slogans like "God hates fags" and "America is going to hell for tolerating gays". For more information, visit http://www.godhatesfags.com.




Now, let's get some intelligent discussion going. Questions for debate:

1. What other venues of society have the homosexuals infiltrated?
2. What else can we do to stop them?

[Scotracer]

Everyone, I fear it is too late. I hate to be a mole but at the latest meeting of the LGBT Central Alliance I received the plans for the final assault. I don't wish to terrify anyone here but let it be known: they plan to get gay abortion, gay pollination and gay contraception (the horror) legalised.

So, please, I beg you all: bolt up your family and prepare for the rainbow onslaught.

[Ink]

Good Lord, this is horrifying news!

But really this is the funniest thread EVER!!!:D!!11 *teenage girl voice*