Serious for a moment. (Warning: About Me mostly... err. all)

[Ooberman]

I've been posting for years. Years. Mostly on religious sites, or atheist sites. I have gotten addicted to it and what is worse, I've gotten good at it (ok, ok, let's hold your opinion until I finish! hahaa)

I have read thousands of papers, books, websites and posts. i have studied the all the issues revolving around atheism, supernaturalism, science, spiritualism, etc. And, i have come no closer to a conclusion that I came upon years ago, but this is not why I am being serious.

I have lost hours... days, perhaps months of my life sitting in front of this damn computer and it occurred to me (while banging my head against the wall at CARM) that I don't even like "you" people. (Let me explain)

I've heard no new argument for God, and I've never heard one new rebuttal or new question regarding the Supernatural, Subnatural or Quasi-meta-quark-natural or whatever they imagine gods or angels are made of.

I've only seen 2 or 3 people actually use current arguments based on leading theologians. Most present warmed over McDowell, Strobbel or Lewis.

And, whats worse: I don't want to know these people. I don't respect them. I don't even care about them. I think they are petty and egotistical - no doubt - exactly what they think of me.

I don't know you, but I don't want a social network that includes some woman raising her child near marrying age but thinks the End Times will happen in her life. 9So, what does she tell her grandchildren? What kind of absurd parenting is that!?!?)

I don't want a social network with a guy who calls Obama racist names, praises Bush and praises god for the death of heathens.

I am tired of my social circle including people who don't accept Evolution, or think that a man rose from the dead 2000 years ago, or that babies go to Hell because they never accepted Jesus.... On and on it goes with peoples opinions!!!!

I don't want my social circle to include people who think it is Just for me to suffer forever, while they drink milk and honey, just because I don't believe in their fairy tales!

And yet... here I am. But I want out. There is so much that I have learned, and yet I can never get people interested. For example, I wanted to create a record of the early Bible texts but not one person wanted to do it. Not one. Not even Christians care about their religion. Not one person wanted to do research or CREATE something.

So, serious for a moment: Let me tell you about myself and what I have lost.

I was born in Ithaca, NY in the Finger Lakes. My father raced motorcycles and stock cars and was a big hunter and trapper, he started a successful business and bought a boat). I moved to the Bahamas with my family when I was 10 and we lived on a boat for 3 years. Then I moved to Portugal for 3 years, lived in Majorca and Lanzarote. I windsurfed and went BMX'ing regularly (This was back in the late 80's - that what we called it...). I even took a year off of school to windsurf. Then I went to college and got my B.S. in Environmental Science, Public Policy and Law, then got my Masters in Architecture. I moved to DC, and now live and work in New York City.

I have played guitar for 25 years and have been on albums you can buy. I taught sailing, I had LOTS of "fun" in my 20's, and today I manage multi-million dollar construction projects and design homes for Billionaires, almost exclusively.

I am married to a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman, have a wonderful son (<<understatement!) and expecting another little urchin soon. My friends are fantastic but I see them too infrequently.

I have hiked the Incan trail to Macchu Picchu, I have backpacked around Europe, I did two US road trips, lived in Barcelona, London, San Francisco, raved in Prague, went to Burning Man, been to Canada and Mexico and all points in between, lived in a loft, owned a car, lived without a car and TV (now for 5 years), worked for CALPIRG, donated time and money for Habitat for Humanity and Direct Relief International.

I've caught sharks off the coast of Cuba, eaten sea turtles (illegal), seen nuns crawling across the entrance of St. Peters in the Jubilee Year, bargained with a 10 year old to show me the way out of Fez, stared down Uzi-toting policemen in Slovenia, and toked up like a mad man in Amsterdam (and other places). I played guitar in the London Parliament, touched the feet of Ravi Shankar (and met his daughter who ended up dating one of my friends), saw James Brown live and peed on a Cathedral and the holiest site of architecture: the Barcelona Pavilion. Don't ask. Among other things.
(I sound like the "skinjob" at the end of Blade Runner)

My point is that I am tired of going back and forth about religion. It's useless. There is no wisdom from religious people that I haven't already heard. There is little exuberance in their life - and most seem to care more about their death, or the latest movie that they will watch, or the latest movie they think is Satanic, like "The Little Mermaid"....

I want OUT! I don't know any of you personally, but - no offense - I don't want to hang out with you. I want my old life back. My life when I didn't care what an Argument from Ignorance was, or how many contradictions were in the Bible and how much you can twist logic to straighten them out.

I've gone in circles with most religionists, but mostly it simply seems like we are playing Tug-of-War, except the rope is tied to two posts on either side: lots of sweat and effort, but no budging whatsoever. Each side is fixed.

I for one, am more certain than I have ever been that no god exists. I can't begin to tell you how much the idea even insults me since it is so horribly defined, or if it is it is defined it is only done so with bald assertions.

I am sure I have a counterpart on the other "side".

I have tried to look at this as an exchange of ideas - and to give credit - I have had some excellent exchanges.

But here's the rub. I don't care, other than my own hubris. I want out! But I have gotten good at arguing for and against all of these petty, silly issues. And being good at something makes you enjoy it... but I don't!

I want to spend time learning about other things: ANY other things but I keep reading more about Aquinas or some obscure system of logic or more about the Big Bang or watching debates...

In a nut shell, I have become a monster and worse, I wouldn't want to meet any of you out for a drink. What would we do? Keep talking about this subject? For what?

I met an atheist one time at a bar and we agreed with everything! It was the most disappointing conversations I ever had. I'm not looking to be converted - I would love everyone to give up their religion - but the topic of the conversation was just pathetic. We went over fallacies with a friend of mine. We addressed all the arguments and we were done. My friend said "but I still believe there is "something""... OK, what!>?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

The "something" is Purpose, IMO. It is the Purpose in our lives that we find for ourselves. I am bigger than this. And while I have met my match occasionally on these forums, most people are horrible at debate or discussing things logically. Even I am horrible, I imagine.

I'm done. I want out. I want to live. And this is not Life. No offense, but I hope I never see another one of you again, unless we are out windsurfing or feeding starving children.

Goodbye and, as it is said, thanks for all the fish.