Is it right to deceive?

[Galphanore]

I am an atheist, very much so. However, atheism is a very small part of my life. My girlfriend, however, is Christian, very Christian. It is a large part of her life. From my perspective I do not care what her religious beliefs are because we click on just about everything else, we are great together in fact but recently she asked me what I believed in reference to religion. At the time I was somewhat deceptive, I just told her how I was raised. I was raised as a Roman Catholic. Then I switch the topic.

The question that has bugged me, however, is that I am essentially deceiving her because I am not Catholic, not even a little. I am, however, afraid of what it could mean to our relationship if I told her I was an atheist. I don't mind going to church with her, because I enjoy spending time with her and as far as I am concerned it's essentially a social club. My question to all of you then becomes, what do you think of this? Is it right to deceive in this way? Would you consider it worth the possible trouble to bring this subject back up myself and tell the truth? Do you think this kind of deception can only lead to more trouble later?

I realize that the first answer may be that it's a personal opinion that I should come to myself, and I am thinking about it to do so myself right now, but I am also curious what all of you think.

[catalyst]

Hi Galphanore,

Nice to meet you.

I always find it wonderful when I see another atheist just loving(or liking someone a lot) just for who they are and not the "label". It reads that you think a lot of this girl. She is a very fortunate lady.

I can see that it is all bugging you though and when it comes down to it, you do have to be true to yourself and as such be open with her.

May I ask before I say anything else what denomination of xianity is hers?

[Galphanore]

Hi Galphanore,

Nice to meet you.

I always find it wonderful when I see another atheist just loving(or liking someone a lot) just for who they are and not the "label". It reads that you think a lot of this girl. She is a very fortunate lady.

I can see that it is all bugging you though and when it comes down to it, you do have to be true to yourself and as such be open with her.

May I ask before I say anything else what denomination of xianity is hers?

She denies affiliation with a denomination, she doesn't even attend an official "Church", she just studies the bible and goes to bible study meetings with a non-denominational pastor and talks with others about god and Christianity and it's implications. That's one of the things we can very much agree upon, that organized religion isn't necessarily the best way to handle things. Oh, and yes, I'm fairly certain I love her.

[catalyst]

I put the (or like) in brackets as I did not want to jump to conclusions.

However, as she IS nondenom, it has protestant "leanings" and as such, if she was all cool with the RCC "background" then I don't reckon she will have any issue with your openness as to not being RCC or any denomination of xianity, NOW. If she loves you as you love her, then it should not matter.

It IS something you have to work out with yourself, and you seem to be a very sincere guy. You however should not have to change WHO you are, or even pretend to for anyone.

Apols if that was blunt, but if you can't be true to yourself, you cannot be true to anyone else.

Hi Galphanore,

Nice to meet you.

I always find it wonderful when I see another atheist just loving(or liking someone a lot) just for who they are and not the "label". It reads that you think a lot of this girl. She is a very fortunate lady.

I can see that it is all bugging you though and when it comes down to it, you do have to be true to yourself and as such be open with her.

May I ask before I say anything else what denomination of xianity is hers?

She denies affiliation with a denomination, she doesn't even attend an official "Church", she just studies the bible and goes to bible study meetings with a non-denominational pastor and talks with others about god and Christianity and it's implications. That's one of the things we can very much agree upon, that organized religion isn't necessarily the best way to handle things. Oh, and yes, I'm fairly certain I love her.

[Galphanore]

I put the (or like) in brackets as I did not want to jump to conclusions.

However, as she IS nondenom, it has protestant "leanings" and as such, if she was all cool with the RCC "background" then I don't reckon she will have any issue with your openness as to not being RCC or any denomination of xianity, NOW. If she loves you as you love her, then it should not matter.

It IS something you have to work out with yourself, and you seem to be a very sincere guy. You however should not have to change WHO you are, or even pretend to for anyone.

Apols if that was blunt, but if you can't be true to yourself, you cannot be true to anyone else.

Thanks, that's about what I'd concluded myself. I was just curious if anyone had another take on the matter.

[bernee51]

I am an atheist, very much so. However, atheism is a very small part of my life. My girlfriend, however, is Christian, very Christian. It is a large part of her life. From my perspective I do not care what her religious beliefs are because we click on just about everything else, we are great together in fact but recently she asked me what I believed in reference to religion. At the time I was somewhat deceptive, I just told her how I was raised. I was raised as a Roman Catholic. Then I switch the topic.

The question that has bugged me, however, is that I am essentially deceiving her because I am not Catholic, not even a little. I am, however, afraid of what it could mean to our relationship if I told her I was an atheist. I don't mind going to church with her, because I enjoy spending time with her and as far as I am concerned it's essentially a social club. My question to all of you then becomes, what do you think of this? Is it right to deceive in this way? Would you consider it worth the possible trouble to bring this subject back up myself and tell the truth? Do you think this kind of deception can only lead to more trouble later?

I realize that the first answer may be that it's a personal opinion that I should come to myself, and I am thinking about it to do so myself right now, but I am also curious what all of you think.

Being able to share such things is a sign of the level of intimacy in your relationship.

(someone once described it thus....intimacy = in to me see...glib? I know but it makes a point)

If it was approached from that angle - expressing the depth of your feelings, expressing the hesitancy you feel because of the risk disclosure entails, expressing your understanding of the meaning belief may have in her life, expressing a willingness to discuss and be open to her feelings...

Make the 'confession' the act of intimacy it is. You are sharing something fundamental about yourself with the woman you love.

[Galphanore]

I am an atheist, very much so. However, atheism is a very small part of my life. My girlfriend, however, is Christian, very Christian. It is a large part of her life. From my perspective I do not care what her religious beliefs are because we click on just about everything else, we are great together in fact but recently she asked me what I believed in reference to religion. At the time I was somewhat deceptive, I just told her how I was raised. I was raised as a Roman Catholic. Then I switch the topic.

The question that has bugged me, however, is that I am essentially deceiving her because I am not Catholic, not even a little. I am, however, afraid of what it could mean to our relationship if I told her I was an atheist. I don't mind going to church with her, because I enjoy spending time with her and as far as I am concerned it's essentially a social club. My question to all of you then becomes, what do you think of this? Is it right to deceive in this way? Would you consider it worth the possible trouble to bring this subject back up myself and tell the truth? Do you think this kind of deception can only lead to more trouble later?

I realize that the first answer may be that it's a personal opinion that I should come to myself, and I am thinking about it to do so myself right now, but I am also curious what all of you think.

Being able to share such things is a sign of the level of intimacy in your relationship.

(someone once described it thus....intimacy = in to me see...glib? I know but it makes a point)

I think that was "Intimacy = into me I see" (Love Guru), but yeah, it does make a point. If you cannot be true to yourself how can you possibly let anyone know who you really are?

If it was approached from that angle - expressing the depth of your feelings, expressing the hesitancy you feel because of the risk disclosure entails, expressing your understanding of the meaning belief may have in her life, expressing a willingness to discuss and be open to her feelings...

Make the 'confession' the act of intimacy it is. You are sharing something fundamental about yourself with the woman you love.

I hadn't really thought of it like that, I like it though.

[Nilloc James]

Bend the truth:

Say:

"I simpily try to understand the greator truth to the best of my abilities."

That could support atheism or theism.

[Galphanore]

Bend the truth:

Say:

"I simpily try to understand the greator truth to the best of my abilities."

That could support atheism or theism.

I don't see that as being able to resolve anything though in that it will more likely then not just encourage further question into what that sentence actually means. I'm not sure whether I want to encourage or discourage discourse in this regard, but what I do not want to do is encourage it while also increasing evasion. Thank you though.

[JoeyKnothead]

Is it just sex? Lie, lie, lie

Is it something deeper? I have made a personal decision that I will not contradict my principles to suit anyone. Either a girl is cool with me and my opinions, or she ain't. I've learned that for me, lying just don't cut it.