Dwindling love.

Corvus · Post by **Corvus** » Tue May 25, 2004 1:29 am

You were once in love with a woman. But that love started to dwindle as more problems gathered in the relationship, even though she worships you. In fact, she worships you too much, and her obsessive adoration is, you feel, dangerous to her psychological health. You want to end this relationship, but you are certain that if you end it, she will suicide.

What do you do?

La Rochefoucauld - "Ah, how hard it is to break with someone we have ceased to love."

Post by **otseng** » Tue May 25, 2004 8:09 am

Assuming I'm not married to the person, I would end the relationship. If she is suicidal, that type of love is not healthy and requires professional help. I'd volunteer to pay for counseling sessions to help her deal with her thoughts of suicide. And of course I'd try to break the relationship as gently as I can.

cattious · Post by **cattious** » Mon May 31, 2004 4:02 pm

I would quickly break up with her, but stay her friend and keep near her to make sure she didn't kill herself. I would also help her get over me, and get her whatever therapy she needed...

Angry McFurious · Post by **Angry McFurious** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 1:47 am

cattious wrote:I would quickly break up with her, but stay her friend and keep near her to make sure she didn't kill herself. I would also help her get over me, and get her whatever therapy she needed...

I think thats as good as it gets... don;t let her find out if you date anyone new too.

ST88 · Post by **ST88** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 6:43 pm

I would try to get her friends and family involved before I did anything. She's going to need a support system that's out in the open for her if she's really that much of a basket case. I'd try to break it off as gently as possible, and possibly in the presence of other people in that support system. She's going to need them when I'm no longer in her life. I don't know if I could help her through or be friends with her after that, it depends on the nature of the relationship. I would guess not, but it really depends on why the love was dwindling in the first place.

Angry McFurious · Post by **Angry McFurious** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:44 am

ST88 wrote:I would try to get her friends and family involved before I did anything. She's going to need a support system that's out in the open for her if she's really that much of a basket case. I'd try to break it off as gently as possible, and possibly in the presence of other people in that support system. She's going to need them when I'm no longer in her life. I don't know if I could help her through or be friends with her after that, it depends on the nature of the relationship. I would guess not, but it really depends on why the love was dwindling in the first place.

agreed, its good to have people support her but don't smuther her. Some times there is such thing as to much love.

Curious · Post by **Curious** » Thu May 26, 2005 8:09 pm

I would stay with her. All relationships flag at times especially when problems arise. I would try to sort out the problems rather than throwing out the baby with the bath water.

pyrite · Post by **pyrite** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:34 pm

Curious wrote:I would stay with her. All relationships flag at times especially when problems arise. I would try to sort out the problems rather than throwing out the baby with the bath water.

even if you don't love her anymore? what if you've fallen out of love with her for more reasons than just her emotional issues? (i'm assuming it's a gf/bf issue and not a marriage..)

Confused · Post by **Confused** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:16 am

I would say you were never in love with her to begin with. There is no such thing as "falling out of love" IMHO. But if you no longer want to be with her, then you should end it. While you could get her into counseling before you ended it, it might prevent an impending suicide, I would say that you are not responsible for others actions. Now there is a limit to that. If you have led this girl on to beleive that you were entering into a long term relationship that may either lead to marriage (ugh) or just a commitment to each other, then you are responsible for your actions and have to bare the brunt of her reactions to your actions. I don't envy your position but have been there. The only difference being I told Chad from the beginning that my concept of love was so utopian he could never stand up to it, so don't try. He chose to tell me a year later how much he was in love with me and if I didn't feel the same we needed to end it. I didnt' feel the same. We ended it. He drove himself off a cliff in Arizona a week later. Three days after that I got a envelope addressed to me from him with nothing in but his dragon pendant. I wear it every day to remind me of the danger of letting someone to close. I share in the guilt even though I gave advanced warnings. Either way, your situation is going to come out bad. But life will go on regardless.

pyrite · Post by **pyrite** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:10 pm

Confused wrote:I would say you were never in love with her to begin with. There is no such thing as "falling out of love" IMHO. But if you no longer want to be with her, then you should end it. While you could get her into counseling before you ended it, it might prevent an impending suicide, I would say that you are not responsible for others actions. Now there is a limit to that. If you have led this girl on to beleive that you were entering into a long term relationship that may either lead to marriage (ugh) or just a commitment to each other, then you are responsible for your actions and have to bare the brunt of her reactions to your actions. I don't envy your position but have been there. The only difference being I told Chad from the beginning that my concept of love was so utopian he could never stand up to it, so don't try. He chose to tell me a year later how much he was in love with me and if I didn't feel the same we needed to end it. I didnt' feel the same. We ended it. He drove himself off a cliff in Arizona a week later. Three days after that I got a envelope addressed to me from him with nothing in but his dragon pendant. I wear it every day to remind me of the danger of letting someone to close. I share in the guilt even though I gave advanced warnings. Either way, your situation is going to come out bad. But life will go on regardless.

i believe that love is a choice, and based on that premise.. if you stop choosing to love a person in your day-to-day life, your love will dwindle and ultimately die in time. we are, as un-romantic as it sounds, responsible for maintaining the passions and feelings between us.
a 'utopian' love would actually be a shame in my view, as it seems more like a choiceless fantasy, or a 'meeting of fate', rather than an actual decision to stick by one another through thick and thin. my fiance, for example, knows that i will never leave her, because so many times already i've made a choice to stay with her through times when other guys probably would have run scared. is that not the meaning of real love?

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