Trust

[kens91765]

I find that, for me, trust is the most difficult issue in the Christian walk. I was raised in a very abusive cult. I have been through several very bitter church splits. I have seen false teachers rip churches apart. I find myself having to constantly question the motives of nearly everyone.

Recently, the pastor of the church I currently attend stated in his sermon that people who claim to have been hurt by the church are legalists and that their words cannot be trusted. I have confronted him over this and have gotten an apology. He seems to have repented of this attitude. However, I still find it very difficult to trust a man who would use his office to instruct his flock to distrust others.

I am fairly sure that this is not a bitterness or forgiveness issue. Although, perhaps, I am deceiving myself. It is just that once trust is lost, I find it very difficult to find it again.

I guess, as Christians, we should look to Jesus for an example. How did Jesus trust Peter after Peter denied even knowing him three times? This is a mystery to me that I wonder if I'll ever understand.

I would pose these questions:

Has anyone out there dealt with similar issues?

If you were able to overcome them, how did you do it?

[otseng]

I haven't had as dramatic situations as you. But, just recently, I've felt betrayed by my boss (who is a Christian). His actions have caused quite a commotion in our department and ultimately in me leaving the company. But, I have no bitterness towards him for it. What has helped me is to look at the situation from his perspective. He was basically forced to do what he did by his manager and had little choice in the matter. My initial reaction was to get vengeful. But, I forced myself to be professional, even if I was not being treated professionally. In the end, it all worked out for the good. I was able to leave the company on good terms (well, at least with almost everyone) and even found another job that paid more and moved up a bit also.

I don't believe the Bible commands Christians to trust other people. Rather, the only one we are to trust is God. We will be bound to be hurt by other people, even fellow believers. But, we can trust that God can turn things out for good even when it looks like things are going bad.

[kens91765]

I don't believe the Bible commands Christians to trust other people.

The Bible does command us to love others -- even those who betray us.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13:4-7 NIV)

It would seem that keeping no record of wrongs and trust is a part of love. Yet, for me, I find this an impossibility. If only I could purge my mind of such things. I would give almost anything to be blissfully ignorant again.

Do you think that you would be able to work for or with that boss again? It seems that leaving the situation is often the only viable recourse. This is especially the case with someone who has authority over you.

The pastor that I spoke of earlier just said in a prayer meeting last night that Lord spoke to him and said that those who are not fully in agreement with his decisions are operating in the spirit of Jezebel. This is in response to his decision to bring a "prophet" on staff. The only qualifications this "prophet" has, as far as I can tell, is his arrogance, that he can yell loud and that God, according him, replicates money in his pocket.

I have tried to battle this stuff before. But it never seems to resolve anything. It seems to make things even worse. I guess it is time just to go

[otseng]

Do you think that you would be able to work for or with that boss again?

Yes, I would. And I left the door open for them to hire me back as a part-time contractor. Though I doubt his manager would want to hire me.

It seems that leaving the situation is often the only viable recourse. This is especially the case with someone who has authority over you.

I tried to go through official channels to rectify the situation. But, after I saw that there would be no resolution, I decided to leave the company.

The pastor that I spoke of earlier just said in a prayer meeting last night that Lord spoke to him and said that those who are not fully in agreement with his decisions are operating in the spirit of Jezebel.

I would leave in a situation like this. Though I'd probably talk it over with the elders first before I leave.

[kens91765]

I would leave in a situation like this. Though I'd probably talk it over with the elders first before I leave.

I talked with one of the elders yesterday. The pastor has demanded that most of the elders resign. In this denomination the pastor selects members of the board. They serve only at his pleasure. The supposed accountability is just for show.

It appears now that this will cause a major split. I have been through similar splits in the past. I do not feel that I can bear to be involved in another one. There has been some talk of starting another church but I'm not sure that I'd want to be part of the rebellion either.

[john_anthony_gonzalez]

I find that, for me, trust is the most difficult issue in the Christian walk. I was raised in a very abusive cult. I have been through several very bitter church splits. I have seen false teachers rip churches apart. I find myself having to constantly question the motives of nearly everyone.

Recently, the pastor of the church I currently attend stated in his sermon that people who claim to have been hurt by the church are legalists and that their words cannot be trusted. I have confronted him over this and have gotten an apology. He seems to have repented of this attitude. However, I still find it very difficult to trust a man who would use his office to instruct his flock to distrust others.

I am fairly sure that this is not a bitterness or forgiveness issue. Although, perhaps, I am deceiving myself. It is just that once trust is lost, I find it very difficult to find it again.

I guess, as Christians, we should look to Jesus for an example. How did Jesus trust Peter after Peter denied even knowing him three times? This is a mystery to me that I wonder if I'll ever understand.

I would pose these questions:

Has anyone out there dealt with similar issues?

If you were able to overcome them, how did you do it?

Their is a girl at our church who was abused and raped in her cult, shes alot better than where she was at before but it took Christian counseling and Group

[Desert_Rose2]

Recently, the pastor of the church I currently attend stated in his sermon that people who claim to have been hurt by the church are legalists and that their words cannot be trusted.

that's bad.

I am fairly sure that this is not a bitterness or forgiveness issue. Although, perhaps, I am deceiving myself.

it sounds like you're willing to be honest with yourself.
I know exactly what you mean. I got bitter and unforgiving about this kind of thing in about '96 when we left one church, and gradually worked through to fully forgiving as I began to see the leader as human and fallible, and began to feel sorry for him, and understand how he must have felt.

So now, that has been dealt with I find I can tell the difference in how I feel about things.
It is possible to have forgiven, understood where someone is coming from, but not agree, and not entrust ourselves to them...because of having learned wisdom through the past.
We can still love, still have forgiven, but be free not to entrust ourselves to someone untrustworthy.

It is just that once trust is lost, I find it very difficult to find it again.

yes, healing is needed, which (as you probably know) comes through forgiveness...but it is not wrong to not trust all, just wisdom.

I guess, as Christians, we should look to Jesus for an example. How did Jesus trust Peter after Peter denied even knowing him three times? This is a mystery to me that I wonder if I'll ever understand.

He maybe trusted the Spirit that He gave Peter, rather than the man alone?

I know in me there is no good thing except what God has put there and grows from Him.

Has anyone out there dealt with similar issues?

yes, I can say more maybe another time.

[Chancellor]

I find that, for me, trust is the most difficult issue in the Christian walk. I was raised in a very abusive cult. I have been through several very bitter church splits. I have seen false teachers rip churches apart. I find myself having to constantly question the motives of nearly everyone.

Recently, the pastor of the church I currently attend stated in his sermon that people who claim to have been hurt by the church are legalists and that their words cannot be trusted. I have confronted him over this and have gotten an apology. He seems to have repented of this attitude. However, I still find it very difficult to trust a man who would use his office to instruct his flock to distrust others.

I am fairly sure that this is not a bitterness or forgiveness issue. Although, perhaps, I am deceiving myself. It is just that once trust is lost, I find it very difficult to find it again.

I guess, as Christians, we should look to Jesus for an example. How did Jesus trust Peter after Peter denied even knowing him three times? This is a mystery to me that I wonder if I'll ever understand.

I would pose these questions:

Has anyone out there dealt with similar issues?

If you were able to overcome them, how did you do it?

Well, the Bible commands you to forgive as God forgave you. Now, go and learn what it means for God to forgive you and then ask yourself two questions:

1. Did God ever say, "I forgive you but I'm not ready to trust you"?

2. If He did not, then what right do I have to say it?

Let's put it this way: If you are withholding your trust from someone then have you really forgiven that person?