Cathar1950 wrote:I am thinking about joining the user group but I am not much of a joined as you can see by my list. Besides I tried to join the Philosophers and I have not heard from them.
Here is something a friend sent and I thought I would share.
The Importance
of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
My mother-in-law started walking five miles a day when she was 80. Now she's 81 years old and we don't know where she is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour place; and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
Lol. nice ones.
Q. How do crazy runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
Q. What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
A. Slippers.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
# two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 75 yards up the trail. The bear spies them and begins running toward them at a full gallop. One hiker drops his backpack, sits down, throws off his boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes. The other hiker says: "What are you doing? You will never outrun that bear!". The first hiker replies: "I don't have to outrun the bear..."
# Michael Johnson, the Olympic gold medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said: "Sorry, mate, you can't come in here — no denim." Michael was quite annoyed at this and retorted: "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson." "Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.
# Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?" I replied: "Do you want to know?" and I dropped out.
# We work out too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathons. He always talks about this "runner's high." But he has to go 26 miles for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a flight of stairs.
# A runner asks his wife: "What do you love most about me? My tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your enormous sense of humor."
# Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: "What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?" And the clerk: "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."
# A school teacher asked a student, "John, will you please conjugate the verb 'to go' for the class?" The kid began, "I go... um... you go... ehmm... he goes..." "How about a little faster?" asks the teacher. And the kid, "Sure! I run, you run, she runs..."
# One man's hobby was running, he spent all his weekends on the park trails, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the park as usual. It was still dark, cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes," she replied "but my idiot husband still went running!"
It was really pretty out too, the trees were all covered with like a 1/3 centimeter sheet of ice. Looked really cool on the branches. (hey I grew up in southern California, don't get to see this kind of weather much.)
