edited

[janex06]

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[bernee51]

first and foremost, i think its important that you realize that i am seeking advice, and i beg of you not to pass any judgments on me.

i've been raised in a christian family all my life-- my parents are faithful church-going christians, and my brother is probably one of the most passionate and loving follower of christ that i have ever known. but lately, for the past [almost] two years, actually... my entire life, i feel like i'm not really a christian. i acknowledge the existence and power of God, and i know that he has blessed me in so many ways, and given me things that i do not deserve. but i just don't understand-- i desperately want to be saved, i want God to be a constant and influential force in my life, but nothing ever changes. i cry myself to sleep every night, praying to God that he may work in me and change my heart, but i continue to live the same, relentlessly unchristian and sinful life. i feel nothing-- i barely feel alive. i stay up late at night every night, until around 4:00am, searching for some sort of answer, and i come up empty handed every night. i just can't seem to understand why i feel so lost, so useless, so faithless. i feel like God thinks of me as a failure and a disappointment, and i'm hoping he will take me back someday.

i ask for your guidance and your advice, and if not that-- at least your prayers.

Hi there

Can I suggest you spend some time reading some of the threads which may interest you. You will find I think those that may feel in the same way you do - i.e. searching for some basic truth in an all to confusing world.

My personal belief is that we are here to grow (evolve) and maximum growth occurs at the border of challenge and support. If one doesn't challenge (and support) themselves it will come from others - and often does. From what you have written I can see you are in self-challenge mode at the moment. Take some time as well to self-support. Look at the good things in your life, the good you do or encourage. Take heart from those.

I do not believe in gods, salvation or a hereafter. My greatest self-support comes from self-enquiry exercises and meditation.

I wish you well.

[HellboundAlleee]

Don't look at yourself from outside. Your identity does not come from others looking at you from outside or above, for that matter. You already have an identity. Nobody shares your DNA, your fingerprints, or your own personal experiences. No matter how "successful" you think you ar or aren't, you still have complete ownership over you. It is only you who can make sure you get up every morning. That is because, whether you think so or not, you value your choices and actions. Don't expect god to scoop you up and lift you out of bed to relieve yourself in the morning. You do that because you want to feel well, and not be sick, or soiled. That is your value of yourself. There! You see? You already value yourself, you already know you have worth. With every bite you eat, you show that you value yourself. With every step you take, you have made choices regarding those values.

Now that you know, you can go about the business of accepting it. You don't need an outside definition of "who you are." You are, you are doing something about it, and that's enough. What you do later, to further any enthusuiasm or self-esteem, that comes next. And that's regardless of whether you see it as your efforts, or whatever "it" is coming to you miraculously. Follow that thing that makes your heart come alive, and, as they say, invisible hands will help you along.

[Corvus]

i've been raised in a christian family all my life-- my parents are faithful church-going christians, and my brother is probably one of the most passionate and loving follower of christ that i have ever known. but lately, for the past [almost] two years, actually... my entire life, i feel like i'm not really a christian. i acknowledge the existence and power of God, and i know that he has blessed me in so many ways, and given me things that i do not deserve. but i just don't understand-- i desperately want to be saved, i want God to be a constant and influential force in my life, but nothing ever changes. i cry myself to sleep every night, praying to God that he may work in me and change my heart, but i continue to live the same, relentlessly unchristian and sinful life. i feel nothing-- i barely feel alive. i stay up late at night every night, until around 4:00am, searching for some sort of answer, and i come up empty handed every night. i just can't seem to understand why i feel so lost, so useless, so faithless. i feel like God thinks of me as a failure and a disappointment, and i'm hoping he will take me back someday.

I am probably not qualified to answer your post, being neither Christian or spiritual, but I will try.

I do not understand that if God has blessed you in numerous ways, why you would think he has abandoned you. You appear to believe you have various problems; you believe yourself to be "relentless unchristian, sinful, lost, useless and faithless" and you "feel nothing" and "barely feel alive". But if you feel nothing and barely feel alive, this letter seems to contradict this; it a passionatae outpouring of emotion and a cry for help. If you felt relentlessly sinful, then you would not express such grave regrets.

I don't know what I can say to help, but my analysis of the situation leads me to believe that either you can't identify as a Christian because of what you have been led to believe about how Christians should act...or that your guilt, far from enhancing your faith as it seems to do for most other Christians, has actually gotten in the way of it. I have no advice other than to search for the answer not outside of yourself, but inside of yourself. Read the bible and consider what it means to be a Christian. Decide if a Christian is what you want to be. (It seems to me this is true.) And take control of yourself and be who you wish to be. God helps those who help themselves, as they say.

It may be that I am completely wrong. I certainly do not know all your circumstances, but you do, and you are the only one who can control your behaviour.

[hannahjoy]

What exactly are you searching for, and where are you searching?
If you really want spiritual counsel, this is not the best place to look. Try talking to your pastor or another spiritually mature and scripturally informed person that you trust.

Don't give up searching, but search in the right places. If you want a relationship with God, study His word. He does sometimes let us struggle for a time, but He doesn't reject anyone who truly seeks Him. Throughout Scripture it is those who diligently seek God that He accepts.

Deuteronomy 4:29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Jeremiah 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Lamentations 3:25 The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.

Matthew 7:7-8
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Psalms 119:2 Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.

Try reading the Psalms - many of them sound very similar to what you're experiencing.

Romans 10:9,13
9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Do you believe that, and have you done that? If so, you need to believe that you are not enslaved to sin anymore.

Romans 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Try studying all of Romans 6,7, and 8, and again, talk to someone who can give you extended, Biblical counselling.

Hannah Joy

[Piper Plexed]

I tend to think you are in the right place, as God will place you exactly where you need to be. Have faith in the course of your path. If you find yourself reading and contemplating various points of view, so be it we are all Gods children, are we not? To be honest, for me, the faith of my rearing pales in comparison to the faith I know now this is after many years of questioning, denial and out right rejection. I do know one thing, God loves you, sinner and Saint.

[ST88]

i stay up late at night every night, until around 4:00am, searching for some sort of answer, and i come up empty handed every night. i just can't seem to understand why i feel so lost, so useless, so faithless. i feel like God thinks of me as a failure and a disappointment, and i'm hoping he will take me back someday.

i ask for your guidance and your advice, and if not that-- atleast your prayers.

I agree with just about everything that's been said here already. I'd like to add that you appear to be in a very vulnerable state emotionally, and it's very important not to let others manipulate or take advantage of you while you work through this. Trite as it seems, the answer lies within yourself. There are more days, and every day you can get closer to the answers you are looking for without even realizing it. The best advice I can give to you is read. Read as much as you can. You probably won't find any direct, hard answers to your specific questions, but there will be something you read that will resonate within you and lead you towards what you are looking for.