McCulloch's 26 "Unknowns"

[cnorman18]

My apologies to McCulloch: he posted these 26 "Unknowns" on another thread, asking which is evidence of a supernatural God. Well, none, of course, but I couldn't resist demonstrating that even deep and abstruse questions have answers if one is wise enough - or, sometimes, if one is enough of a wise guy.

A. Who killed the princes in the Tower?

Henry VII. See The Daughter of Time, Josephine Tey's last novel, published in 1951.

B. What happened in Jesus' life from ages 12-30?

Puberty, bar mitzvah, carpentry work, probably studied Torah a good bit. Then there were the Spring Break side trips to Egypt and India and Tibet, of course.

The bigger mystery is how Jesus got to age 33 without being married. He did, after all, have a Jewish mother.

C. Cosmology's horizon problem

Just look up from the book on cosmology and step outside. Then you'll be able to see it, the speed of light notwithstanding.

D. Abiogenesis

Never cared much for that band. They just seemed to come out of nowhere.

E. Dark matter

I recommend Clorox. Kills it & bleaches it right out, all at once. Only leaves 18% of the matter in your bathroom, but it smells better.

F. Tetraneutrons

Hey! You leave my Tetras alone!

G. What happened to the Neanderthals?

They were the first victims of Homo sapiens genocide. In other words, we killed 'em all off. We all got T-shirts and patches.

H. Is time an illusion?

I sure hope so. I wanted to stay 19 so bad....

I. How do entangled particles communicate?

Usually by text message. That's how they got tangled up in the first place.

J. Why do we need sleep?

Because if you don't sleep, you start to act real silly and then you start walking into things and can get killed. Of course, when you sleep, you can can die in your sleep, which is a good thing if you're not driving.

K. How does the brain produce consciousness?

It doesn't. Consciousness is the interface between perception and memory. The present moment is the hinge; consciousness is merely its squeak.

L. Why is fundamental physics so messy?

It involves falling objects.

M. How doth human language evolve?

Aroint thee, varlet! Alas, it evolveth not a whit. Canst thou not see? Forsooth, it devolveth at a lamentable and fearful rate. Totally, dude.

(Alarums and excursions)

N. Can mathematicians prove the Riemann hypothesis?

No. That's why it remains an hypothesis.

O. What causes gravity?

Calories. The more you eat, the heavier you get.

P. Where are my keys?

Look between the cushions of your couch.

Q. What Determines Species Diversity?

Biologists and zoologists, of course.

R. How Are Memories Stored and Retrieved?

Erratically and unreliably. As you get older, it gets even worse.

S. Do Deeper Principles Underlie Quantum Uncertainty and Nonlocality?

Of course. That was an easy one.

Just don't ask me what they are.

T. What causes autism, schizophrenia?

On autism; an excess of glial cells is my guess, from inside this mildly autistic head. That would explain the odd correlation between autistic traits and occasional genius.

On schizophrenia; the voices say they don't know.

U. What is the origin of homochirality in nature?

Sin, obviously. If the molecules in question weren't sinful, they would be exclusively heterochiral.

V. Can we predict how proteins will fold?

Sure, and even how they will be cut. I prefer diagonally, myself, especially the corned beef.

W. What is all that "junk" doing in our genomes?

Our genomes are our collective garage: all cluttered with stuff we don't need any more - but might.

X. How do organs and whole organisms know when to stop growing?

When there isn't any more room. Sort of like your office chair limits the size of your butt.

Y. What synchronizes an organism's circadian clocks?

The circadian custodian, of course. He goes around and does it twice a year, at the eukaryotic time change.

Z. How do migrating organisms find their way?

The existence of the American Avian Association's mapping service is a closely guarded secret.

[McCulloch]

D. Abiogenesis

Never cared much for that band. They just seemed to come out of nowhere.

Some say they were better before Gabriel left.

R. How Are Memories Stored and Retrieved?

Erratically and unreliably. As you get older, it gets even worse.

I'm beginning to notice.

Z. How do migrating organisms find their way?

The existence of the American Avian Association's mapping service is a closely guarded secret.

But what about the Monarchs? Have you ever watched one of them fly? They wouldn't know a straight line if you drew it for them. No room in the cargo hold for a map.

[cnorman18]

D. Abiogenesis

Never cared much for that band. They just seemed to come out of nowhere.

Some say they were better before Gabriel left.

R. How Are Memories Stored and Retrieved?

Erratically and unreliably. As you get older, it gets even worse.

I'm beginning to notice.

Z. How do migrating organisms find their way?

The existence of the American Avian Association's mapping service is a closely guarded secret.

But what about the Monarchs? Have you ever watched one of them fly? They wouldn't know a straight line if you drew it for them. No room in the cargo hold for a map.

Promise you won't tell?

Tiny GPS devices, ultraminiaturized by the Pentagon. They short out a lot, thus the erratic flight.

[JoeyKnothead]

Good stuff.