Having troubles?

[methylatedghosts]

Hello to everyone. I thought I'd start up a thread basically so everyone can post here about any troubles or issues they may be having, be this in relationships, study, daily dramas feeling a bit depressed, or just life in general. ANYTHING. Even if you may just like to vent, and have nowhere else to go.

Here we can help each other from many different perspectives on lifes problems. I think that getting different perspectives on the same issue will help you make the choice that you feel right with, and others can let you know of things you may not have thought about. We all have something to offer, so even if you don't feel what you advise is as good as it can be, it may let others think more about it.

Let your troubles flow.........................................

[Arbela]

Some marriages that started by falling in love, end up with unconditional love. It isn't easy, and does require work, at least in the beginning. It requires alot of communication, and knowing where each other stands. It requires an openness and a letting go of each other. After the work part, it becomes second nature to you, and it becomes very easy. Some people though, can't deal with it, because they are still looking for the rose tinted glasses that they left behind. If all you want is butterflies in your stomach, then you will always be looking.

Theres my take on it.

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this.

I've read that even the best of marriages are still "conditional," (in other words, without the basics like respect and honesty, even true love doesn't have a chance). But you've definitely indentified that common path most good marriages take ~ romantic, "crush" love to mature, enduring love.

[Arbela]

Some marriages that started by falling in love, end up with unconditional love. It isn't easy, and does require work, at least in the beginning. It requires alot of communication, and knowing where each other stands. It requires an openness and a letting go of each other. After the work part, it becomes second nature to you, and it becomes very easy. Some people though, can't deal with it, because they are still looking for the rose tinted glasses that they left behind. If all you want is butterflies in your stomach, then you will always be looking.

Theres my take on it.

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this.

I've read that even the best of marriages are still "conditional," (in other words, without the basics like respect and honesty, even true love doesn't have a chance). But you've definitely indentified that common path most good marriages take ~ romantic, "crush" love to mature, enduring love.

[methylatedghosts]

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this.

I've read that even the best of marriages are still "conditional," (in other words, without the basics like respect and honesty, even true love doesn't have a chance). But you've definitely indentified that common path most good marriages take ~ romantic, "crush" love to mature, enduring love.

Yeah, pretty much. Although some find it harder than others to move from "crush" to unconditional.

Some even start at unconditional

Some start with one having unconditional, and the other having "crush". This makes it easier for the one that has "crush" to move to unconditional

EDIT:

There's a great book that talks about this:

The Road Less Travelled - A new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual growth by M. Scott Peck. You might like to check it out.

[topaz]

If a Christian doesn't last long in a marriage with someone who is not Christian, what does that say about them? This tells me you're saying they'd love them less. To me that is a silly concept, that there is a difference in how you can love another less because they are not of your religion. It does not matter what either person believes if they have an unconditional love for each other. Are you saying that it isn't possible for a Christian to have unconditional love for a non-christian, to the extent where a marriage wouldn't work? And, may I add, going against "love thy neighbour".....

1-Christian + non christian marry = a formula made in hell. Really. Read OT.

2-A christian who is prohibited to eat blood falls in love ‘unconditionally’ with a blood eater … yeah right. The lust between them is temporal, believe you me.

3-‘love thy neighbour’ … quote is out of context. Don’t you know what this means ? it means treat others as you want to be treated. Nothing to do with sexual love that leads to marriage.

So after a couple does not love each other, they have to like each other? What if they don't? What then? Force them to stay together? You say "been given a partner". Who gave you a partner?

In the first place, when a christian intends to marry, he/she must bring this matter to God. He is the best matchmaker there is. He matches by character + personality. Love will almost fizzle off in time. What is left is friendship. So, yes, you gotta like your spouse. If both the man and the woman think along the same lines as a result of a common religious background, there is likely to be less grate in the relationship. They get along better. This is God’s advice not mine. I believe Him.

In christianity, nothing must be taken for granted. Every good thing comes from God. So God is the one who give us our partners unless we get them by deceit, magic, etc.

A marriage that focus on love, love and more love … is not in touch with reality. So if you’re going to find a partner whose mentality is along this line, you’re just asking for trouble. I love you today, but tomorrow, too bad, I love someone else.

What about the unconditional love? Love for the family love for the children. Love for the parents. Love for the spouse. I'm not talking about rose tinted glasses love, but unconditional love.

I think we are discussing sexual love that leads to marriage. Not other types of love.

s we grow older, there are health and financial issues. What happens if you divorce, fall sick … then who wants you. So, the focus MUST be family-centred or the focus is wrong.

Then who wants you? Those you love and love you.

Who wants you … as in who would want to marry you if, after a divorce and before you find a mate, you fall sick .. who wants you then.

The more love you spread, the more you will feel. If you are to spend your whole life concentrating love onto 5 people in you family, that is not much. If you have love, give it away to as many as you can. You will find much more in return. Then give all of that away. You will receive more. Love knows no bounds - unless you give it boundaries.

I agree except that the love you talk about is out of context in this discussion.

And there is no thing as a wrong focus. Nor is there a thing as right focus. Focus is just focus. Right and wrong are only relative terms, and do not relate to God.

Before God embarked on project earth, He made a master plan. Same in anything we do. Marriage, if not planned [ie. to be lifelong], not focused [ie. family first not love and sex and more love and sex], will end on the rocks. This is stark clear.