Should people "shack-up" before marriage?

[Nickman]

I personally think that when two adults shack-up prior to marriage, they have a better chance of staying married and avoid divorce. This I have concluded from my own logic and experience. If we get to know a person prior to marriage on that level we are able to make a better decision about whether or not we can be married to that person. If we don't shack-up we won't be able to see how that person truly is in that setting. Christians tend to be against shacking-up which I feel has led to the statistics showing that they are more susceptible to divorce than atheists who do tend to shack-up.

What do you say? Should we shack up? Is it beneficial? If not why not?

P.S. Just because "god said so" is not a good answer. Please provide why it is harmful or wrong and the potential problem it could cause.

[Cewakiyelo]

Sexual cohabitation equals marriage. The neighbors are witnesses as is God. It is the foundation of what became common law marriage. If you depart the marriage and move on to another relationship it is adultery. There is no such thing as playing house. Nor is there such thing as a righteous divorce.

[Goat]

Sexual cohabitation equals marriage. The neighbors are witnesses as is God. It is the foundation of what became common law marriage. If you depart the marriage and move on to another relationship it is adultery. There is no such thing as playing house. Nor is there such thing as a righteous divorce.

Where did you get that idea?? Where did you get the idea that there is 'no such thing' as A righteous divorce?

[Cewakiyelo]

Sexual cohabitation equals marriage. The neighbors are witnesses as is God. It is the foundation of what became common law marriage. If you depart the marriage and move on to another relationship it is adultery. There is no such thing as playing house. Nor is there such thing as a righteous divorce.

Where did you get that idea?? Where did you get the idea that there is 'no such thing' as A righteous divorce?

Matthew 19:8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,[d] and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.�

I will yield that sexual immorality may be a sound reason for divorce.

[Nickman]

There is no such thing as playing house. Nor is there such thing as a righteous divorce.

So a man or a woman who divorces their spouse because they are abused is not righteous? To me, an atheist, I applaud those who are able to get out of such situations and away from a life of harm and misery.

[Goat]

Sexual cohabitation equals marriage. The neighbors are witnesses as is God. It is the foundation of what became common law marriage. If you depart the marriage and move on to another relationship it is adultery. There is no such thing as playing house. Nor is there such thing as a righteous divorce.

Where did you get that idea?? Where did you get the idea that there is 'no such thing' as A righteous divorce?

Matthew 19:8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,[d] and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.�

I will yield that sexual immorality may be a sound reason for divorce.

That addresses 'once you get married, it's better to stay married... at least according to Jesus.

Where does it say that 'shacking up' is equivalent to marriage, and that premarital sex is wrong for the average person?

[Justthink]

[Replying to Goat]



Simply stated, if you are going to be messing around before marriage, you are already sinning, so people get together to save money, but they don't care what others think about them. They are being selfish for their own pleasure. This is NOT respectful to their mate (or possible mate at this point) or to themselves. You are not sure of your live-in partner's level of commitment, and you may be living with someone who is promiscuous, and you may get sexual diseases, not to mention if and when you do sleep together, it is a bond that when broken, causes emotional distress when you do choose to marry them, or someone else.
Biblically, God does not want us to do anything that will cause someone else to stumble, so if you are going to mess around, do it without being so obvious, or better yet, just GET MARRIED, and if it turns out you don't want to be together, then you must not love them, and keep looking. Sex is not for people who just want to have fun. God meant it to be within marriage for a reason. Not to spoil our fun, but to deepen our relationships. Sex is shallow, making love is not.
So what are the pros of living together?
1. You can have sex any time you want (but how much intimacy can you have?)
2. You can get a place to live for cheaper than living alone
3. You don't have to have any surprises when you DO get married (isn't really as fun, though, in my opinion)
4. Avoid divorce (if you don't get married)
5. You can more easily walk out on them (but then is the love deeper, or shallow?)
I can't see but one of the above being really convincing, and that is to save money. That reason alone is also selfish. Trust God to provide. He provides for the sparrows. Be patient, respect your date, or future mate, relate, check with the state, then you can cohabitate... hey, nice jingle there!

[10CC]

[Replying to Goat]



Simply stated, if you are going to be messing around before marriage, you are already sinning, so people get together to save money, but they don't care what others think about them. They are being selfish for their own pleasure. This is NOT respectful to their mate (or possible mate at this point) or to themselves. You are not sure of your live-in partner's level of commitment, and you may be living with someone who is promiscuous, and you may get sexual diseases, not to mention if and when you do sleep together, it is a bond that when broken, causes emotional distress when you do choose to marry them, or someone else.
Biblically, God does not want us to do anything that will cause someone else to stumble, so if you are going to mess around, do it without being so obvious, or better yet, just GET MARRIED, and if it turns out you don't want to be together, then you must not love them, and keep looking. Sex is not for people who just want to have fun. God meant it to be within marriage for a reason. Not to spoil our fun, but to deepen our relationships. Sex is shallow, making love is not.
So what are the pros of living together?
1. You can have sex any time you want (but how much intimacy can you have?)
2. You can get a place to live for cheaper than living alone
3. You don't have to have any surprises when you DO get married (isn't really as fun, though, in my opinion)
4. Avoid divorce (if you don't get married)
5. You can more easily walk out on them (but then is the love deeper, or shallow?)
I can't see but one of the above being really convincing, and that is to save money. That reason alone is also selfish. Trust God to provide. He provides for the sparrows. Be patient, respect your date, or future mate, relate, check with the state, then you can cohabitate... hey, nice jingle there!

Is this the wisdom of a teenager?

[OnceConvinced]

I think it's foolish to go into marriage without first having a trial period living together. Some people are great when you live in seperate houses but hell to live with. I found that with my current partner. She seemed ideal when we were going out and we decided to move in together. I found out then that she was hell to live with and it was a nightmare. (I guess maybe I'm difficult to live with too). If I'd never shacked up with her I would not have found this out. So I moved back out and now things are back to the way we were before we moved in together. Awesome. I'm glad I found that out first before I married her! Imagine being stuck in a marriage with someone you can't live with and then having no way out but devorse.

[Darias]

I think it's foolish to go into marriage without first having a trial period living together. Some people are great when you live in seperate houses but hell to live with. I found that with my current partner. She seemed ideal when we were going out and we decided to move in together. I found out then that she was hell to live with and it was a nightmare. (I guess maybe I'm difficult to live with too). If I'd never shacked up with her I would not have found this out. So I moved back out and now things are back to the way we were before we moved in together. Awesome. I'm glad I found that out first before I married her! Imagine being stuck in a marriage with someone you can't live with and then having no way out but devorse.

I completely agree with co-habiting prior to marriage because if you can't live with each other for a few months, you won't be able to live with each other for the rest of your lives. It's far better to risk losing your virginity to someone who might not follow through with marriage, than marrying a potentially unfaithful or impossible person.

I've always wanted to get married one day because I'm a big fan of monogamy, but the reality is that marriage is economic suicide for men. Women can get divorced for any reason or no reason, and that would be fine were it not for the fact that in doing so they can take half of all you're worth. Power corrupts and that power dynamic is firmly in the hands of women and the biased courts that are swayed by neoteny instead of fairness. Asking for a prenup might come across as offensive and may very well cancel the wedding before there's even a chance to get married. However the reality is that given the enormous divorce rate, and given that some people can get tired of their partners, forgoing a prenup is foolish to the point of insanity.

Of course, women might be completely unaware of this, which is why you often hear questions like, "Why aren't men getting married anymore?" Well, here's your sign.

[JoeyKnothead]

From Post 106:

...
Simply stated, if you are going to be messing around before marriage, you are already sinning
...

I challenge you to show a god has an opinion on this matter.

1st challenge.

so people get together to save money, but they don't care what others think about them.

If only so many busy-body, nosy, self-righteous theists'd just quit looking down their noses at such folks, there'd be little reason to not care about such busy-body, nosy, self-righteous theists.

They are being selfish for their own pleasure. This is NOT respectful to their mate (or possible mate at this point) or to themselves.

You have no warrant to tell me I'm not being respectful to my shack-up, nor do you have warrant to tell me I'm being selfish.

I'll not accept anyone accusing me of disrespecting the woman I love, and that includes you, you sanctimonious, self-righteous :censored: .