Church weddings, baptisms, etc. for nonpracticing families

[Vibiana]

As the personal secretary to a Protestant bishop, a former church secretary, and an active member of my Lutheran parish, I'm familiar with the phenomenon of nonmembers or basically-inactive members who wish to have a baby baptized or be married in church. I haven't seen many nonmembers want church funerals, but perhaps that's because the basic funeral chapel service is quasi-religious in a way that suffices.

Frankly, I can't understand why people who have no desire to affiliate with a church and participate in its services and ministry on a regular basis would want to be married in a church or have children baptized there. However, I also realize that my attitude doesn't look very
terribly hospitable.

My question for debate is this: What are the limits of hospitality? Should churches set strict (or otherwise) guidelines for use of their facilities by nonmembers? If so, what should the guidelines be?

If not, should churches throw the doors open to whomever asks, no matter whether that person has ever belonged or ever intends to darken the doorway again?

Why do you feel as you do?

[McCulloch]

Koriani, you might find that local Unitarian Universalists if there are any in your area would be open to the idea of hosting or sponsoring traditional handfasting ceremonies.

Another thing one must take into consideration is availability of other alternatives and some people probably don't realize there might be other alternatives.

A lot of Pagans I know were married in a church ceremony because there are no legal alternatives in our area. Even though handfasting, a traditional Pagan joining ceremony, is considered legal here, there are few people who are able to do these ceremonies in the eyes of the court.

We have no 'non-denominational' wedding chapels here about either which would be about the only other alternative to a church wedding.

I recently became an Ordained Minister and so am recognized by the local authority as being able to legally perform weddings, etc. I am also a First Degree Wiccan Priestess so handfasting is in my within my scope. I am only one of two people, however, who are willing and able to do this in the immediate area.

[AlAyeti]

In an age of diminishing church attendance I would have thought that getting people in the door would be half the battle, and adopting an exclusive attitude to potential converts would seem to be counterproductive.

Jesus fed thousands, had crowds that followed Him from town to town, and was left with John and His mother at the Cross.

He met with people in their houses, the first century "churches" were believers gathered in houses to worship. From what is happening inside the walls of what has become "The Church" maybe their demise will forshadow an explosion of real believers!

Again.

[inobaba]

I suppose that it all depends on what the church considers its mission to be. If the purpose of the church is to minister solely to its own members, to provide spiritual teaching, support and brotherly love to itself, then your inhospitable attitude would be justified.

But if the church's mission is to reach out to the larger community with its unique message from the Almighty, then you might consider some adjustments. What pastor can resist inserting some of the message of God's word into the baptism, marriage or funeral service?

I agree, if the church's goal is to reach out to people, then they should do so. For most of the people I think getting married in churches and having funerals there is more like a tradition now.

[AlAyeti]

I agree, if the church's goal is to reach out to people, then they should do so. For most of the people I think getting married in churches and having funerals there is more like a tradition now.

Even the most incredible haters of Christians will find virtually no support for invading homes to force acceptance of the agenda of relativsim for complete compliance.

Secular marriage is a joke to society and further abomination applied to this beaten and torn "immutable" institution will do nothing to stop the slide of chaos embraced in the well-documented cause and effect when familes are not male-female, husband wife. Christians should flee goverment marriage and seek God blessed unions instead.

Why yoke ourselves with unbelievers?




_________________
I believe in myself, for I am created by the Living God..

[Vianne]

Frankly, I can't understand why people who have no desire to affiliate with a church and participate in its services and ministry on a regular basis would want to be married in a church or have children baptized there. ... What are the limits of hospitality? Should churches set strict (or otherwise) guidelines for use of their facilities by nonmembers? If so, what should the guidelines be?

If not, should churches throw the doors open to whomever asks, no matter whether that person has ever belonged or ever intends to darken the doorway again?

Why do you feel as you do?

As someone who does not identify herself as a Christian, I agree with you that I see no purpose in marrying in a church, or even baptizing a child at all if you are not Christian. However, many other people feel that marriage, baptism, and funerals are meant to be rites performed "in front of God". It may only be tradition, but people feel they need that divine stamp of approval.

As to the church itself, like some others have said, it really is up to the church's discretion how they would like to view their congregation.

Are they a lone island of like-minded people who prefer to commune only with each other, somewhat like a support group? Then it is perfectly understandable that they would want to deny services to non-members.

Are they active members of the community, participating in community service and various beneficial programs? Then it should be seen as a positive sign that non-members want to marry and baptise their children under their roof.

In a nutshell, while a church is completely within its rights to deny certain services to non-members, they should first consider what role they would like to play in the community at large. That would probably be the best determining factor.