I have family and friends who I would ordinarily discuss this with, but they would a) tell me that I worry to much b) tell me not to worry YET or c) not even know whats going on because Im way too embarrassed about the situation to talk to them about it.
But this is a legitimate concern, and I would really appreciate advice from a community that closely resembles my family in religious beliefs/spirituality and maturity.
Anyway, here is the story:
I'm 19, 20 later this year. I have a long term boyfriend who is extremely supportive and amazing. I have a great mom, and a 15 year old sister. My dad is currently in Afghanistan with the army corps of engineers till his tour ends in august.
I'm currently in between colleges, after finishing a year at one college, Im awaiting acceptance from another college that is closer to home (and family).
My mom lost her job last week, which we never saw coming. We're fine, because my dad makes enough money to keep us going, but its going to make my situation for the next year difficult.
I am supposed to be going to this good state college about 45 minutes away from my mom's house. I am supposed to be getting an apartment there, as I did at the other school, where I am supposed to live with my two dogs.
However, my dad's tour coming to and end and my moms loss of a job happened to come at the same time, which is BAD.
My dad decided that it "may be a good idea" for me to live at home for the next year while we continue to pay off bills. But... HE would be home too, from the sound of it.
And that is a major problem to me. I would sooner live in a BOX on the side of the road than with him. We had major, major problems when I was younger. He verbally beat my down to a pulp, and it took years of "fixing" to get me to where I am, and years of therapy and drugs to get him to where he belongs.
Him being away has resulted in a major attitude adjustment, however, I dont feel that any amount of being in a dry, dusty desert can change who he is.
I refuse to live with him again.
And I know that sounds stupid and childish, but as soon as I remember how I felt- like the time I literally fell down in the highschool hallways crying because of him- I cant do it again. Im just now starting to become confident and just now building a good relationship with my mom. I dont want to loose that. AND to top it off, my dad is much more conservative with me+boyfriend. Basically I get downgraded from adult to child if he starts to interfere in my relationship.
He constantly belittles me, suppresses my emotions, wont allow me to speak my mind, and bullies me into doing things that absolutely defy every fiber of my being. Him= very military like, me= artsy, fashion loving, boyfriend loving, deep thinking, slightly slobby and a little slow moving.
My life is miserable with him. I cant be myself... and Im so not willing to give that up, seeing as how I have just started to discover it.
I love my dad, but living with him isnt healthy.
Any advice on how to deal with it would be so much appreciated, whether its advice on family, money, jobs, boyfriend, ect, anything that applies.
Its so complicated, so feel free to ask for clarification I guess... heck, I dont even know what the point of this post is anymore
