Lust = Hell?

[camper1999]

I was involved in a non-denominational church for many years of my young life. In Sunday school, they taught us that if we looked at women lustfully, that we would burn in hell. I took this very, very seriously. Apparently more seriously than most people because now that I'm 33, I am so incredibly screwed up in my head that I have hardly ever engaged in social activities with women (I am a male)...whenever I tried, I either fainted or vomited (on many occasions). I am uncomfortable only with women in social situations. With my male friends, I am great. With female colleagues, I am okay. With my family, I am great. But, in social situations, I just cannot deal with women. This has caused a great deal of embarrassment and disappointment in my life. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts over it. I have tried many anti-anxiety medications over the years and they are not working.

I understand that the church was trying to instill the notion that lust and sex outside of marriage is against God's word, but the manner in which it was taught was extremely damaging to me. I was wondering if anyone else out there has had similar issues.

This is not a joke. I have decided to finally try and get some help, but I am not sure where to turn. Please give me some guidance.

[otseng]

This is not orthodox Christian teaching. Lust by itself is not going to send someone to hell.

How do you do in church situations where woman are around?

[McCulloch]

I admit that I am biased, but my advice would be to chuck religion. While some Christian groups have a healthier viewpoint on sexuality than others, the underlying messages in the Bible about sex are unhealthy. Seek good professional therapy. American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors & Therapists.

[elle]

My brainwashing was of a different variety, but I do understand some of what you're going through with anxiety (meds haven't worked for me either) as it relates to sexual issues. The one thing that helped me the most was talking to a therapist who specialized in anxiety. I chose her because she had degrees in both social work and religion and specialized in LGBT issues, so she was intimately familiar with the issues I was going through and I found she was able to give me some constructive guidance. Unfortunately, I can't afford her help anymore but I definitely did learn quite a bit about how to overcome some of my anxiety. I would look into speaking to a professional that deals with clients with similar problems to yours, especially since you've mentioned thoughts of suicide. Therapy can help you deal with these feelings so you don't act on them.

The most important thing to remember is that you're definitely not alone!

[justifyothers]

I was involved in a non-denominational church for many years of my young life. In Sunday school, they taught us that if we looked at women lustfully, that we would burn in hell. I took this very, very seriously. Apparently more seriously than most people because now that I'm 33, I am so incredibly screwed up in my head that I have hardly ever engaged in social activities with women (I am a male)...whenever I tried, I either fainted or vomited (on many occasions). I am uncomfortable only with women in social situations. With my male friends, I am great. With female colleagues, I am okay. With my family, I am great. But, in social situations, I just cannot deal with women. This has caused a great deal of embarrassment and disappointment in my life. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts over it. I have tried many anti-anxiety medications over the years and they are not working.

I understand that the church was trying to instill the notion that lust and sex outside of marriage is against God's word, but the manner in which it was taught was extremely damaging to me. I was wondering if anyone else out there has had similar issues.

This is not a joke. I have decided to finally try and get some help, but I am not sure where to turn. Please give me some guidance.

You're right - it is not a joke. It's sad that this church has ruined your outlook on an otherwise healthy part of human life.

What is lust, but desire? If we didn't have it, how would we become attracted to another? How would we be driven to date and marry and have a family?

Lust is normal. Acting out in a harmful way because of it is not. If you are not doing this, don't worry too much about it. Go and seek a good therapist to help you through it. Hurry up! You have allowed this church to ruin many good years. Let them succeed no longer

[McCulloch]

What is lust, but desire? If we didn't have it, how would we become attracted to another? How would we be driven to date and marry and have a family?

Lust is normal. Acting out in a harmful way because of it is not. If you are not doing this, don't worry too much about it.

I cannot see how you get such a teaching from the Bible.

You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

[justifyothers]

What is lust, but desire? If we didn't have it, how would we become attracted to another? How would we be driven to date and marry and have a family?

Lust is normal. Acting out in a harmful way because of it is not. If you are not doing this, don't worry too much about it.

I cannot see how you get such a teaching from the Bible.

You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I never said I got these ideas from the bible. It can actually lead to the opposite understanding, and taken to the extreme can lead to the problems of our new friend.
I gather this understanding from living life, which I consider a gift from God. And I use what He has given me to make my decisions about this life.

Let's argue that on another thread and keep this open for suggestions and advice, ok?

[McCulloch]

I never said I got these ideas from the bible. It can actually lead to the opposite understanding, and taken to the extreme can lead to the problems of our new friend.
I gather this understanding from living life, which I consider a gift from God. And I use what He has given me to make my decisions about this life.

Let's argue that on another thread and keep this open for suggestions and advice, ok?

You are right. I was rather blunt and quite unhelpful.

I should revise my advice. Don't necessarily chuck religion, but do chuck the Bible. It really is not helpful in the quest towards healthy sexuality.

[OnceConvinced]

So how does one deal with this scripture:

Matt 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This scripture is insinuating that a lustful thought is as bad as the actual act itself. This scripture may be specifically related to lustful thoughts while married, but if it's the case with adultry, isn't it also the case for non-married people?

[Coyotero]

It would be my favorite deadly sin. If I believed in the concept of sin.

Oh well, back to worshiping satan, sacrificing goats, and drinking blood, or whatever it is that we pagans are supposed to do.