Chirstmas letter

[FinalEnigma]

This is for my love. I have never mentioned her name because she doesn't want me to place it online anywhere. I know it is somewhat strange to be saying this here, but this is my version of shouting it to the world. I will send her an e-mail directing her to this site so that she can find this. This may be gone in a day or so - I don't want to leave this up here forever.


My love,
As it approached Christmas, I began to feel guilty that I have nothing to give you. I don’t have money to buy gifts, or skills to make them, or any great talents to display for you. I know you wouldn’t care, that gifts are unimportant to you, but I felt guilty for not having something to give you - just a little reminder that I love you; At Christmas time, the little reminders mean so much. All I have is my words and my heart, but all I do have is yours.
I have said a little bit here and there on these forums, and I’ve spoken to a person or two, but I have never really said it to you directly.

It has been said that the grand essentials of happiness are three things: something to do, something to hope for, and someone to love.
When we first met nearly two years ago, I had none of them. I was stagnant, lonely, and held no hope that things would ever change. I had no idea even of who I was. First you gave me something to do; stop sitting around stagnant and start fighting for the life I wished I could have. Then you gave me something to hope for; when I saw that just maybe I could have this life I wanted. And during all this, I caught a look at who you yourself are. Just a glimpse at first, but enough to want to know more, so I looked, and I found the most important part: someone to love.
I feel as though I finally began to form an identity perhaps a year ago. Since then, I have continued to grow, to learn, and to become who I am becoming.
If there was ever a man who could fly, then it is because you have given me wings.
You taught me that the world is what you make it – that who you are is your own choice and nobody else’s. I know who I am now, I have chosen. I am a writer, a lover of nature, and one who believes in what man can do. But those are merely labels. A writer is a title, an outlook on the world. A lover of nature is a comfort in the elegant beauty, and the last is a hope. But the one thing that I know about myself with complete certainty is that I love you. It is the deepest, most profound thing I have even known, and it is my one, single, absolute truth. And it is a truth that grips me with such unwavering strength, such finality, that I know that it can never change.
It is still so new to me, this feeling I have for you. I have never known anything like it, and it is so powerful and so great that I am completely swept away.
When I wake in the morning, my greatest thought is ‘what can I do that would make her smile?’ When I lay down at night to sleep I close my eyes, eager for the morning, because each new day brings me closer to you. I have never been this happy in my life, and it is because of you that I am now.
You know, when I first understood who you were, I was stunned. I had never seen something so breathtakingly beautiful. You will probably never understand just how amazing you are, but every time I learn something new about you, I fall that much more in love.
If I had the means, I would give you the world; I would shower you with everything you ever wanted, but I do not. I don’t have money to buy a tree for you this Christmas, or gifts to place under it; all I have is my truth: Forever and always; I love you.

Joseph Johnson