What is the one thing that's missing?

[ConiectoErgoSum]

I feel like most of us have a desire for some major thing that we don't have. So what's that one thing - a serious, big-deal type thing - that you wish you had? I don't mean like a nice car or a new toy... I mean something that you feel you explicitly need, in order to be satisfied, that is not there. That if this thing suddenly came into your life you would be the happiest person in the world.

Maybe for a poor person it would be "financial stability", or for a loner it would be "community". Oh and part of the advantage of Internet forums is anonymity, so feel free to divulge things you wouldn't say to just anyone. Not like anyone here is gonna judge you... and if they do, who cares right? For me, it's "dating". I feel like the whole concept of dating is a foreign thing to me, and its a very big deal that it's not there. That everyone else takes it for granted and enjoys it, almost casually, like it's no big deal.

So what's your thing that's missing?

[ChaosBorders]

Since I have spent almost 60 years without it, and now have it, I know what the answer is -- for me, anyway.

It's a real, deep and loving relationship with a real woman. I've had the imitations and the near-misses and the hoped-for and wished-for and didn't-quite-get-there ones, and finally have found the real thing. And I've never been happier or more fulfilled or more free to just be myself and know I am loved for it, and to love her without reservation or conditions or limits. It's more and better than I ever even dreamed it would be, and different.

As for money --- old Yiddish saying: "It's not that money makes everything good; it's that no money makes everything bad."

Since I was nine that has been my answer and for over half of my life it was my ONLY deep desire. For a very long time I didn't believe I would ever be satisfied until I got that goal, and increasingly wondered if I would ever achieve it. The unexpected shift in my religious views took away my inability to be satisfied without achieving it. If I were forced to choose now between the view of God I have developed and true love, I would almost certainly pick my view of God. But I'd be lying through my teeth if I pretended that increasing my chances of finding and keeping true love weren't still the primary motivation for much of what I do.

And that Yiddish saying describes my lifelong view of money perfectly, and my reason for pursuing a high level of financial stability.

[ConiectoErgoSum]

I find I'm often in that boat. I find that talking about things openly with friends helps quell the dissatisfaction of not having a woman to some extent, but i'm always happier when there's a lady in the room. Openness is key to drawing satisfaction out of even the most seemingly-boring relationships.

[cnorman18]

cnorman, how long you had your woman? i was kinda hoping i could convince myself marriage is one of those "grass is always greener on the other side" things too, but your satisfaction seems to be ruining my schemes .

LOL! Let's see... Five weeks and two days.

Sounds like a fantasy and the starry eyes of new love, I know; but we've both been around the track a few times, and this is qualitatively different from anything either of us has ever experienced. As we continue to learn more about each other and find new things to know and love -- and to accept and adjust our own expectations and desires about -- it just grows deeper and better.

One measure, for me, is this -- though I can give no details: Things I have always desired, in my fantasies and dreams, have all evaporated now. Why? Because they are not her. I want her. She's a real woman, not a sex object or an ego booster or "a dream come true." She is herself, and that self -- who she really is -- is the real person, the real woman, that I want to know and understand, that I want to know and understand me, and whom I love without limits, as I said above.

I know more than a little about infatuation, and about obsession, and about fantasies and women willing to fulfill them; and this one is different. She is who she is, and she's helping me to learn who I am. If you check out my little post in General Chat called "Things I've Learned," you'll see a bit more about this, among other things. This one is different, and I'm beyond hooked. I'm fulfilled... At last.

I could wish no greater blessing for you, or for everyone on this forum, than that you find someone like this in your own life.

[Slopeshoulder]

For me it is two things:

- I'd like more confidence that my wife will have a normal lifespan, that we have MANY more years living, creating, and working together. My marriage is a paradise on earth, the core of my spiritual life.

- I'd like to finish recording and releasing music at a faster pace. I have one album out, 5 in advanced stages of completion, and six more in the pipeline. At 50 with (recent type 2) diabetes, it's a race against time. I work slowly due to other responsibilities, debatin' with y'all, perfectionism, and because i compose, arrange, produce, engineer, mix, and play all the instruments myself; it takes forever. But this is my true expression, so it matters. I guess I'd add that I'd like listeners, but I abhor the music business and stear clear. So I have just a few rabid fans so far. I may start gigging a bit.

Oh, and I'd like to live abroad.

[Furrowed Brow]

I read somwhere recently that happiness increased with increase in income to £50k per year (guess it must have been UK research) and then money buys no more additional happiness. I don't think they considered lottery wins, just the normal spread of incomes.

I'l like to own my own home and not rent and have money in the bank or if that is not possible I think I'd like to be a dolphin.

[ConiectoErgoSum]

i compose, arrange, produce, engineer, mix, and play all the instruments myself

that sounds fun. I really wish I could come up with some decent songs - I can write the instrumental parts fine, but every time I try to write lyrics it comes out cheesy.

[ConiectoErgoSum]

I think I'd like to be a dolphin

Well, you might have to take up Hindu.

[Lux]

I think I'd like to be a dolphin.

Dolphins are kind of mean.

[Furrowed Brow]

I think I'd like to be a dolphin.

Dolphins are kind of mean.

I'd be a nice dolphin.

[cnorman18]

I think I'd like to be a dolphin.

Dolphins are kind of mean.

I'd be a nice dolphin.

If I'm gonna be a cetacean, I'll be a sperm whale. Ooo, maybe a white one!