Is there ever a justified case for adultery?

[ssnapier]

This is a question that I am sure will get some people fired up so please remain calm. I just want to know if you can see any scenario in which adultery would be justified.

[Fallibleone]

... she is not, however, able to do whatever she pleases without talking to me first.

Wait. She's not able? Why not? She is able, you just wouldn't like it. They're not the same. How are you going to stop her?

People are reading way too far into my statements, so I'll be as explicit as I can be:

If a woman wishes to be with me, she must have me be a part of her life. That includes decisions that we, as a couple, should decide upon. If she goes ahead and makes the decision behind my back, then our relationship will end if I find out (Or least ways, I have a right to be seriously pissed). If a woman wishes to be with me, that involves caring about what I think and how I feel; if she doesn't care about what I think or feel, then I will terminate the relationship. Call this chauvinistic if you like, it's my life and my decision. Sorry for giving a **** about the person I intend to be living with.



(Okay, the last bit was just sarcasm, I cannot help myself. =P )

Yes. She is able to do whatever she wants without talking to you first. You just wouldn't like it. How are you going to stop her? Reactively terminating the relationship will prevent her from doing whatever she likes in the future in the context of a relationship with you, but your conditions do not make her unable to do whatever she wishes. In other words, you cannot physically prevent her, only appeal to her better nature and make it known what you will and will not tolerate. Her response to that is entirely up to her.

[ShadowRishi]

You earlier said something about it being your business if your partner was to get an abortion.
You have yet to justify it.
If you are going to say something about her treatment of 'your potential child' (as I believe you did), I would be forced to ask how carefully you steward your ejaculate. Did you ever masturbate and toss the ejaculate into the trash? Did you ask your partner if she minded you killing your 'potential child'?

Sperm and ejaculate are not a united sperm and egg.


And yes, it is my business. We are a couple; a child is something that effects us both and therefore she has the ultimate choice, but she doesn't get to both be with me and then do whatever she wants. My opinion should matter to her, if it doesn't, then I cannot find any reason for why I shouldn't be pissed.

[Goat]

You earlier said something about it being your business if your partner was to get an abortion.
You have yet to justify it.
If you are going to say something about her treatment of 'your potential child' (as I believe you did), I would be forced to ask how carefully you steward your ejaculate. Did you ever masturbate and toss the ejaculate into the trash? Did you ask your partner if she minded you killing your 'potential child'?

Sperm and ejaculate are not a united sperm and egg.


And yes, it is my business. We are a couple; a child is something that effects us both and therefore she has the ultimate choice, but she doesn't get to both be with me and then do whatever she wants. My opinion should matter to her, if it doesn't, then I cannot find any reason for why I shouldn't be pissed.

On the other hand, your opinion might not be the most overriding factor. I mean.. your opinion might matter.. but it might not be the most overriding factor. Part of that process is an honest talk about options, and opinions. Your opinion isn't, and shouldn't be only choice available.

[ShadowRishi]

On the other hand, your opinion might not be the most overriding factor. I mean.. your opinion might matter.. but it might not be the most overriding factor. Part of that process is an honest talk about options, and opinions. Your opinion isn't, and shouldn't be only choice available.

I never said it had to be the most overriding factor. I said it had to matter enough to at least be heard.

[Darren]

You earlier said something about it being your business if your partner was to get an abortion.
You have yet to justify it.
If you are going to say something about her treatment of 'your potential child' (as I believe you did), I would be forced to ask how carefully you steward your ejaculate. Did you ever masturbate and toss the ejaculate into the trash? Did you ask your partner if she minded you killing your 'potential child'?

Sperm and ejaculate are not a united sperm and egg.

Is this really your justification for making some other persons body your business.
If your sweetheart passes an egg in the tiolet, then you go spank off in it, your sperm and her egg might unite in the sewer. How does your belief apply to that united sperm and egg?
I don't think this makes it any of your business. I would bet long odds that you don't save every emission for procreation, but you expect her to treat every clump of cells you emit as a potential child of yours.
Ridiculous.
If you want the cells to become a baby, you could ask the doctor to save the discarded cells, plant them in your womb and nurture them for 9 months or so. That would give you the right to choose.
If you cannot, then I guess you will have to let that clump of cells join the last few wasted ejaculates.

And yes, it is my business.

Again with unsupported assertions. Give me a reason why you should have some control over a womans decision to make a baby or not. Does she get a similar control over you?

[Darren]

On the other hand, your opinion might not be the most overriding factor. I mean.. your opinion might matter.. but it might not be the most overriding factor. Part of that process is an honest talk about options, and opinions. Your opinion isn't, and shouldn't be only choice available.

This begins to sound like she should at least consult her partner before deciding. Let me make this as clear as I can - she would not owe anyone a single word.
No explanation.
Anyone who expected one would be terribly rude, in my opinion.

[Goat]

On the other hand, your opinion might not be the most overriding factor. I mean.. your opinion might matter.. but it might not be the most overriding factor. Part of that process is an honest talk about options, and opinions. Your opinion isn't, and shouldn't be only choice available.

This begins to sound like she should at least consult her partner before deciding. Let me make this as clear as I can - she would not owe anyone a single word.
No explanation.
Anyone who expected one would be terribly rude, in my opinion.

That sounds reasonable. Consult her partner would be proper.. OWE is something different. However, there is a matter of respect and trust.

[Greatest I Am]

If your partner sleeps with someone, do you have a 'right' to know? I say no.
Is there ever a justified case for adultery? Yes, if one of the parties wanted to adulter, that is their business.

Unless they bring home some unwanted condition. Aids comes to mind.
I believe that we owe our partners full disclosure.

Regards
DL

[Darren]

Consult her partner would be proper.. OWE is something different.

I quite disagree, goat. When you say 'consult her partner would be proper', it suggests that not consulting you would be somehow improper. I have been reluctant to offer an example because I don't want someone thinking of it as an exception. I will try to paint the picture anyway, because I think you demonstrate the open will to learn.
Goat (not yourself, but you can pretend to me him if you like, goat) has a wife, Nag. Nag goes on a holiday to the Antarctic, with a tour group. Someone from the tour group brutally rapes Nag. She has him charged, then, under Antarctic law, he is executed. Nag has a check-up and realizes that she may be pregnant. She orders all the STD tests (over a period of 1 year - Nag makes buttloads of cash, so it is a LONG holiday ) and she also has an abortion a little later. Nag never liked abortion, but the morning after pill didn't do the job.
Nag, having taken care of everything she reasonably can, is still feeling bad about the rapist getting killed. She decides to talk to no-one about it.
So does Nag owe Goat that story? I say no. If you agree that she doesn't owe him any of this, her personal story, then please realize that this is not an extreme exeption. A girl might not want to say anything about having been raped. Even if it wasn't really a rape.

[ShadowRishi]

You earlier said something about it being your business if your partner was to get an abortion.
You have yet to justify it.
If you are going to say something about her treatment of 'your potential child' (as I believe you did), I would be forced to ask how carefully you steward your ejaculate. Did you ever masturbate and toss the ejaculate into the trash? Did you ask your partner if she minded you killing your 'potential child'?

Sperm and ejaculate are not a united sperm and egg.

Is this really your justification for making some other persons body your business.
If your sweetheart passes an egg in the tiolet, then you go spank off in it, your sperm and her egg might unite in the sewer. How does your belief apply to that united sperm and egg?
I don't think this makes it any of your business. I would bet long odds that you don't save every emission for procreation, but you expect her to treat every clump of cells you emit as a potential child of yours.
Ridiculous.
If you want the cells to become a baby, you could ask the doctor to save the discarded cells, plant them in your womb and nurture them for 9 months or so. That would give you the right to choose.
If you cannot, then I guess you will have to let that clump of cells join the last few wasted ejaculates.

And yes, it is my business.

Again with unsupported assertions. Give me a reason why you should have some control over a womans decision to make a baby or not. Does she get a similar control over you?

How can major decisions in her life NOT be my business? I'm not acting like I own her or she must report to me.

She should want to consult me; or why the hell is she staying with me? If she cannot trust me to put some valuable input into a serious issue in her life and she cannot come to me with that issue, what the hell is she doing with me?

There's not "proof" for why I should be involved in her life; that's just common sense. I can really only put it like this:

Then why go out with someone? If you don't give a crap about them or what they think... What the hell do you need another human in your life for?



To actually have as much indifference as you do, that's basic misogyny in my book; that's equitable to saying: "I don't care about you or your problems."