Is there ever a justified case for adultery?

[ssnapier]

This is a question that I am sure will get some people fired up so please remain calm. I just want to know if you can see any scenario in which adultery would be justified.

[Darren]

It all depends on the person. A commitment to some people is both people being exclusive.

I agree. So why the need for force?

From a practical point of view, this eliminates the chance of one partner picking up a disease from someone else, and also it insures that the offspring will be between the two of them.

Throughout history, there is only one who knows for sure who the Daddy is - the Mother. Even then only usually.

From an economic point of view, I don't feel that I would want to raise a child of someone my wife had a fling with. Also, it would effect my wife if I had to pay child support because of my own infidelity.

I still don't see forcing someone to tell about their personal life as being justified. If you have raised a teen who you then discover is fathered by someone else, will you abandon her?

And, risking spreading a fatal disease with someone who is assuming you are going to be monogamous is a risk not worth taking.

I am glad that you feel that way. Tossing in disease and financial obligations just muddies the water here. If your partner was against charity and you secretly worked at the local homeless shelter, would you be required to tell her where and how you got tuberculosis or Hepatitis?
The basic fact is that it is not your right to control someone else's organ - be it their genitals or their tongue. Let me make something else clear here. I think it is just to expect a certain level of cooperation from your partner, but not to require it.

Would you think your wife should have to tell you if she went to have an abortion?

[Goat]

It all depends on the person. A commitment to some people is both people being exclusive.

I agree. So why the need for force?

From a practical point of view, this eliminates the chance of one partner picking up a disease from someone else, and also it insures that the offspring will be between the two of them.

Throughout history, there is only one who knows for sure who the Daddy is - the Mother. Even then only usually.

From an economic point of view, I don't feel that I would want to raise a child of someone my wife had a fling with. Also, it would effect my wife if I had to pay child support because of my own infidelity.

I still don't see forcing someone to tell about their personal life as being justified. If you have raised a teen who you then discover is fathered by someone else, will you abandon her?

And, risking spreading a fatal disease with someone who is assuming you are going to be monogamous is a risk not worth taking.

I am glad that you feel that way. Tossing in disease and financial obligations just muddies the water here. If your partner was against charity and you secretly worked at the local homeless shelter, would you be required to tell her where and how you got tuberculosis or Hepatitis?
The basic fact is that it is not your right to control someone else's organ - be it their genitals or their tongue. Let me make something else clear here. I think it is just to expect a certain level of cooperation from your partner, but not to require it.

Would you think your wife should have to tell you if she went to have an abortion?

Why is telling throwing in disease, and finances mudding the water? Is not keeping faith and trust part of a commitment? Not risking the health or finances IS part of the commitment.

[Darren]

If you have raised a teen who you then discover is fathered by someone else, will you abandon her?
If your partner was against charity and you secretly worked at the local homeless shelter, would you be required to tell her where and how you got tuberculosis or Hepatitis?
Would you think your wife should have to tell you if she went to have an abortion?

Why is telling throwing in disease, and finances mudding the water?

Because the basic question is 'can you require a partner to share this with you?' If someone makes a decision to have adultery with someone, that is just. Would you toss them in jail? Stone them? Financial sanctions? I don't believe force would be appropriate here.

I have highlighted the questions that I asked in my last post, I hope your failing to answer was an oversight, as I have been careful to answer yours the best I can.

[Goat]

If you have raised a teen who you then discover is fathered by someone else, will you abandon her?
If your partner was against charity and you secretly worked at the local homeless shelter, would you be required to tell her where and how you got tuberculosis or Hepatitis?
Would you think your wife should have to tell you if she went to have an abortion?

Why is telling throwing in disease, and finances mudding the water?

Because the basic question is 'can you require a partner to share this with you?' If someone makes a decision to have adultery with someone, that is just. Would you toss them in jail? Stone them? Financial sanctions? I don't believe force would be appropriate here.

I have highlighted the questions that I asked in my last post, I hope your failing to answer was an oversight, as I have been careful to answer yours the best I can.

Well , if that is the agreement you hooked up on... otherwise. you leave or they leave.

[Darren]

Well , if that is the agreement you hooked up on... otherwise. you leave or they leave.

You keep looking too deep. It is not anyones place to require you to share information about your personal life. Not even a spouse who thinks they own you. Of course someone should not assault their spouse with an infected genital. Of course someone should protect the finances of their partnership(s). These have little to do with adultery being justified. I could easily postulate a careful, condom-using adulterer. That doesn't affect the argument, either.
Expressing a freedom - even a sexual freedom - is most certainly justified. People are also free to lie. This is part of what makes integrity so valuable and special. You can't force noble behaviour on someone, it would take something away from it.
You continually refuse to address my questions. I think that speaks volumes about your confidence in your position.

[Goat]

Well , if that is the agreement you hooked up on... otherwise. you leave or they leave.

You keep looking too deep. It is not anyones place to require you to share information about your personal life. Not even a spouse who thinks they own you. Of course someone should not assault their spouse with an infected genital. Of course someone should protect the finances of their partnership(s). These have little to do with adultery being justified. I could easily postulate a careful, condom-using adulterer. That doesn't affect the argument, either.
Expressing a freedom - even a sexual freedom - is most certainly justified. People are also free to lie. This is part of what makes integrity so valuable and special. You can't force noble behaviour on someone, it would take something away from it.
You continually refuse to address my questions. I think that speaks volumes about your confidence in your position.

If that is the way you feel, then feel free to hook up with someone who feels the same way. There are things known as 'open relationships'. You can't 'force' behavior on anybody. However, do not be surprised that if someone 'wanders'
and lies about it, and the truth comes out, the effects on the marriage is less than
good.
I do not feel that lying to your spouse and misrepresenting your beliefs is ever justified. The breaking of a trust is also an injury. You can try to bring up the careful 'condom using' spouse. That lowers the risk, but does not eliminate it.

The break of the trust is also important.

[Darren]

You continually refuse to address my questions. I think that speaks volumes about your confidence in your position.

[Beto]

I still don't see forcing someone to tell about their personal life as being justified.

WHOA, you thought I was saying that some posts back? It's completely different asking me if someone deserves knowing the commitment he/she took isn't being observed both ways, and asking me if it's right to force someone to admit to adultery. I ain't no bully man! I was just saying that if one gets cheated on, one deserves to know, but it's usually up to oneself to see the signs. I totally agree that you can't force behavior. That's why I don't condone marriage as a binding contract. It reveals distrust (as contracts do) to begin with.

When I said "know you partner is monogamous", I'm assuming the couple has a commitment to exclusivity. Breaking the commitment you hurt your partner's feelings, and I'm sure you don't condone this. If one doesn't want to be exclusive, one doesn't commit, it's as simple as that. Do you condone "committing just to get laid"? It's this attitude without regard for one's feelings that I disprove. I never said you had to be honest. I'm just saying what I personally feel about it.

People get hurt all the time because popular opinion leads them to think they have the right to expect 'sexual honesty' with their partner.

People get hurt because AFTER exchanging vows of "sexual honesty", one breaks them, for whatever reason. It's common knowledge these vows are already socially understood, so I think that if you just want to fool around, you should say so, because in all likelihood, your partner expects it, and you should know it.

"Control freaks", like you mention, will usually push their partner to do exactly what they fear.

[Darren]

People get hurt because AFTER exchanging vows of "sexual honesty", one breaks them, for whatever reason. It's common knowledge these vows are already socially understood, so I think that if you just want to fool around, you should say so, because in all likelihood, your partner expects it, and you should know it.

Let me ask you the same question I posed earlier. Do you think your wife should be required to tell you if she is having an abortion?

[Beto]

People get hurt because AFTER exchanging vows of "sexual honesty", one breaks them, for whatever reason. It's common knowledge these vows are already socially understood, so I think that if you just want to fool around, you should say so, because in all likelihood, your partner expects it, and you should know it.

Let me ask you the same question I posed earlier. Do you think your wife should be required to tell you if she is having an abortion?

I think there's a more important, underlying issue. It's about taking responsibility for one's sexual conduct. I think undesired pregnancies are usually a result of sexual mis-conduct. It's my personal responsibility to ensure I don't impregnate my partner, if we don't want to have a child. Aside from that, how can I "require" someone to be honest with me? All I can do is show I'm someone you can be honest to. It's up to me to make her feel she can tell me anything. I know by now you agree we can't force honesty, it has to be volunteered. So, in a broad sense, that would be a "no" to your question.